[ the words curl down the front of his chest, so geto can spot them out of the corner of his eye when mathis trails off, expression growing tight at the sight of them.
he's smiling when he looks back at mathis, but it's obviously not genuine. ]
Yes. The person who made me-- he has someone he wants to recreate to revive them, so I'm... a test of the methods to do that. Um, I'm not that person, though.
[listen it's a lot to process for mathis too which is why he's even talking about this on week 0 he JUST learned this and then woke up in cultist simulator 2k24 he's struggling out here]
[ His brows furrow, gaze distant for a moment, before coming back to look at Mathis. ]
I don't really have an answer for you. Even if those memories were taken from someone else, they still had an impact on you, and shaped who you are. And how you perceive them now—even if it's betrayal and uncertainty—that's unique to you, and no one else.
I can tell you that everyone struggles with deciding who they are, who they want to be, and what they want.
[it always just seemed like something other people had all figured out, even before he knew his memories were false. he's always been a shut-in, kept away from others for the most part; this isn't something he's often spoken about with them, and the struggles characters in the books he read went through were often so much bigger.]
when geto comes across him, mathis is sitting by the pyre, evidently just hanging out here for the moment; he's not fully zoned out, though, glancing up to him.]
[it SURE WAS your cliffnotes are that zombies popped up from the cemetery to torment karlach but boothill came back to his normal self enough to kill them for her and then let her tearfully hug-stab him. it was devastating thanks nat.]
It has. I never expected all of this to happen, especially not so soon...
You aren't meant to be able to put memories in... a body that doesn't match them. The person who made me found a way, but my body has been starting to reject them, s-so I'm... it leads to that sort of instability..
No. N-not really. Before I was brought here, the person who made me was... downloading new memories into me regularly to try to keep me stable. But even then, it...
[his gaze drops, eyes downcast.]
It happened regardless. It was... set off this time by-- if he'd only left me alone-!
[UNFORTUNATELY HE STILL FUCKING HATES GALE RIGHT NOW. being cursed is bad for you when you have brain problems! who knew!]
[ Downloading memories like Mathis is a computer... ]
Yeah, Gale has a hard time shutting up. [ (affectionate) ] But, well... I don't really know too much about homunculi, but when people get worked up they say you should try counting to ten.
[ SWEEEET MATHIS HOLY CRAP YOUR FATHER IS A SERIAL KILLER!! AAAA
There's a lot unveiled as the memories unfolds, charging forward relentlessly and giving not a moment to breathe or process. Geto doesn't think he's ever felt the type of love or loss that Mathis is feeling in this memory, but his chest is heavy all the same when the shadows recede.
His shock is plain as day, looking over at Mathis to gauge his reaction. ]
[it's-- it's rough on him. he's curled in on himself, gaze downcast, almost like he's afraid to look up at geto; yes, he's told him what he is, but this...
Someone else here believes they could fix me... but for now, I will. I likely should have already died, here, since I haven't had my memories maintained...
[ For a moment, with how often they've been wandering in and out of memories lately, hearing Mathis like this takes him to another moment. To someone else who wanted to live a moment longer with the ones they loved and experience friendship and love, and all the other things they hadn't gotten as someone... different.
He hadn't been able to reach out then, but thankfully Mathis is close enough for him to take his hand. ]
Okay. Then we'll do our best to make it happen.
[ But. ]
But, you're not a fake anything. You are what you are, and there's nothing wrong with that.
[ It's- a little weird to be held onto in return. He's never had close friends outside of Satoru and Shoko, and the both of them would throw up before ever being so sincere.
He doesn't know if he should make promises he's not sure that he can keep anymore. ]
I'd decided that... if I found them, so that I could explain myself, and they were still willing to risk being paired with someone like me... that I would be their partner.
It doesn't seem like it has any effect on staying awake on Thursdays [ as far as he knows?? ] or reducing the likely hood of possessions, so I was wondering what the benefits were.
[ But whee, shadows are back, and Mathis going to find himself in a cold, terrible morgue.
You saw Haibara a few days ago, and now he's dead. He was one year younger than you.
Behind you, you can hear the heartbreak and betrayal in Nanami's voice. They were sent on a mission that was impossible for them to complete, because cursed spirits are plenty, but sorcerers are scarce. Nanami asks why they can't leave every battle to Satoru, as if he could be everywhere all at once. As if he deserved a life of nothing but violence.
But you can't blame him either. It's the responsibility that goes along with your power, and even if you would give anything for a different reality, you just have to bear it. ]
[thank u geto... the way the swamp just has lurkers here help
anyway, after healing, he still has problems walking-- where he was burned is now scarred black, pulsing red underneath, and he winces every time he takes a step, but. he is at least... probably better?]
[I WASN'T THE ONE WHO DID THISSSS but also his feet Were basically completely burnt and blackened before he even got in the swamp. now they're... still that! but with bonus red pulse. he's got more patches of burns here and there. kind of like he got set on fire and partially healed from that before getting back.]
I just made sure that the person I thought was my partner answered first, so that I could keep us from being paired if I wasn't certain. The only people I ever told before they had told me were the ones I knew I could trust not to confirm us without making sure we were both willing.
You don't need to tell me what it is, but... is yours something that makes you wonder about that in particular? Whether finding your partner would give you something that helps?
I couldn't be sure whether my love for Ceres was completely genuine or not, but loving anyone here... that couldn't just be from my memories, or influenced by someone else. It's still proof that I can have a love of my own.
[that he has the capacity for it, just as himself.]
I suppose it's a little more "was that about him", but you were talking about emotional unavailability being a problem before you mentioned him being popular with girls...
[ His expression softens, and he judges Mathis' shoulder. ]
Yeah, it's not that different to losing someone. A type of grief over love you didn't get to have. [ He sighs. ] And it's okay if it takes time to mourn.
Even though it feels like we don't have any time at all here.
[it's going to be a minute before he can say anything. it's the kind of sobbing where he's struggling to breathe evenly again, breath hitching on it when he tries to exhale more steadily, whole body trembling.
we were just- i thought we were-- getting somewhere.]
[ Hi Mathis! Geto yeeted out of the pyre as fast as he could, and is sitting on a bench at the boardwalk.
He's been pretty composed every week until now, but he's looking not great... running his hands through his hair, which he pulled out from his usual bun. ]
It was the most important thing to me, before. I thought that I needed to avenge my brother. That desire... wouldn't let me live a more normal life, and it was all... all fake to begin with.
That's strange... I did get a letter with information on something else, b-but nothing like that. What did it say? Just... to learn everything about them...?
Maybe it's someone messing with you, if... only the mortuary is getting them? W-we should compare with more people to find out, but I'll look for books on anatomy in case...
[weird!! what the hell.]
Um, I need to tell you what one of mine said, but first, I don't want to forget to ask you... if you never found your partner, a-are they still alive? [and then hurriedly explaining, with a little worry:] I know you're limited in saying so if they're dead, so you don't have to! B-but-- Karlach had one, and we'll only have... a few days left to save them.
When I was speaking with Scien about Karlach, he said that she just... needed to rest. I-it sounded as if he believed she would, over there, and I've always trusted his judgment...
He said that he... wouldn't be disappointed in me, if I chose not to continue.
[...]
But it's very clear that it would only... hurt others, if I did, so even if I don't want this, I can't...
She's only someone he loved, who... died too soon. [a moment of hesitation, there.] She was murdered just before their wedding. They were going to have a child.
...I don't think it's necessarily bad, e-especially if you weren't close... um, and with what we already know, and what we've already been through, maybe it's easier by now...
... it's still difficult to lose any of us. I... I never really spoke to Yuffie, after what happened, b-but I could tell from the discussion last night that she must have been collecting a lot of information...
And the last time I spoke with Vin about what would have to happen, she... she seemed sad.
...I don't know. H-he said to just be patient, last time we spoke about it. It likely depends on whether he can get access to... the necessary tools and facilities.
the layout of his room is similar to his attic bedroom in the mansion, with its angled ceilings and shelving built into the walls; it differs in the furnishings and decor, however, set up as a cozier, more nook-like space with hanging lights and multiple comfy spots to sit on the floor, books stacked neatly nearby. the bed is, similarly, very low to the floor, with pillows piled onto it. rain patters against the window, keeping the room from getting much natural light, but it's a little soothing if you like that kind of thing.
I've always sort of considered us to still be partners-- I never thought of Ashlyn as any less of one, but Iwatooshi is no less my partner because of that, either.
As long as you're escorting me, I think it'll be all right...
[he will just cling the whole time.]
Um, is it... safe to go there, by the way? I don't want to impose, but I can't return to the point in time I was taken from, s-so I'll need to stay somewhere else for a little while...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 0, monday, abandoned theatre
anyway, geto will approach mathis very carefully ]
Hey. Are you feeling a little better?
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[thank you for being careful, geto. he's over here doing his best to cover up the words on him, but it's hard when they move.]
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That's true. We pretty much know we're here to die.
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[the reflexive glance will at least get him a peek- some of the words say not being human.]
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Investigate and endure. [ looks at mathis in the face ] Are you used to... fighting, and magic, and all that?
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I... can fight, a little...
[even if he's still weak.]
B-but we don't have magic, where I come from.
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[ the words steadily grow more visible as they spread down his shoulder, YOU HATE HUMANS ]
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[he trails off as he notices those words, stammering through his own as his eyes widen.]
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he's smiling when he looks back at mathis, but it's obviously not genuine. ]
Sorry, does that bother you?
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[he shakes his head slightly, fidgeting with his sleeves.]
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You don't have to worry. Or do, I guess, it's up to you. It's not true anyway.
[ probably ]
I saw yours too. That it said you aren't human.
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[whether it's true or not, he just doesn't have any context for it-- relivers are still cloned humans, effectively, so.]
B-but that's... that's true. I'm not.
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[ whatever that is ]
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['my cute, foolish little homunculus.' that still sits in his head.]
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[like. is that a problem for YOU.]
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It's on your arm because it bothers you, doesn't it?
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... When did you find out?
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[he is literally still in the middle of going through it.]
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So how long ago were you created? You don't have to talk about it.
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mathis nods, but-- it's fine. he's still dealing with this, here, he doesn't think he entirely minds.]
A... about a year ago.
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[ he's... BABY ]
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[he shakes his head, not quite looking at it.]
I remember living all the way up to seventeen, but that's all- it was all false.
[and so everything that made up his history, that made him-- that makes it fake too. doesn't it?]
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eventually... he just shrugs ]
The fact that you exist means you're someone. I'm pretty sure that's the only prerequisite.
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[listen it's a lot to process for mathis too which is why he's even talking about this on week 0 he JUST learned this and then woke up in cultist simulator 2k24 he's struggling out here]
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That's up to you to decide, isn't it? Being here has nothing to do with the experiment, but you still exist.
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[there's that.]
But everything that made me-- it was all from others. My memories were based on their lives. So I can't be certain of... who "I" actually am.
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[ His brows furrow, gaze distant for a moment, before coming back to look at Mathis. ]
I don't really have an answer for you. Even if those memories were taken from someone else, they still had an impact on you, and shaped who you are. And how you perceive them now—even if it's betrayal and uncertainty—that's unique to you, and no one else.
I can tell you that everyone struggles with deciding who they are, who they want to be, and what they want.
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[it always just seemed like something other people had all figured out, even before he knew his memories were false. he's always been a shut-in, kept away from others for the most part; this isn't something he's often spoken about with them, and the struggles characters in the books he read went through were often so much bigger.]
...do- you already know who you want to be?
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... No. [ his brows draw together, voice growing distant. ] It's hard to make that decision.
And sometimes it's even harder to live with it.
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[even he doesn't know yet, but he can give that advice anyway... that really is impressive. so is the honesty in admitting to it.]
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[ he smiles, leaning back idek where they're sitting ]
If you ever want to talk about... who you think you are, you can talk to me.
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[mathis smiles a little as well, at that.]
I-I may not know much about it, but you can... speak with me as well, if you want to? I wouldn't want to-- to just burden you.
[so he will at least offer, whether geto takes it or not.]
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But okay, I'd appreciate having someone to talk to too.
week 0, friday
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also, walks over to sit next to him. ]
... You okay?
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[maybe it is yeah. that's fine. anyway.
mathis doesn't turn to him immediately. he blinks a couple times, then finally looks at geto, slightly unfocused at first.]
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unfortunately geto is not touchy so he can't give him a comforting shoulder pat. ]
Mathis?
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[oh. oh, right, okay, hi. he blinks, focusing in a bit more.]
S-someone was...
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... It's okay. You can take a second.
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[he's. so fine.]
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I don't know what happened.
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[ frowning ]
w0 sunday
when geto comes across him, mathis is sitting by the pyre, evidently just hanging out here for the moment; he's not fully zoned out, though, glancing up to him.]
H... hello.
Re: w0 sunday
anyway, geto will come sit by him ]
Hey. It's been a lot lately, hm?
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It has. I never expected all of this to happen, especially not so soon...
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"So soon"? So you expected it once we got really desperate?
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Ah... that's true. [ he frowns. ] I thought they might be more careful with us, if they need us for their summoning.
I didn't expect them to be so carefree with our lives either.
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[mathis honey that's because cults don't run on logic.]
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I don't think it runs any deeper than that.
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Do you want to redeem them?
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week 1, monday, funky
Looking for a change of clothes?
why funky
[geto gets a smile back though, before he starts glancing through the clothing on display.]
Some of these are very different f-from what I normally wear...
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Do you normally pick your own clothes?
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[absolutely dress him.]
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welcome to the world of athleisure. ]
These should be pretty comfortable.
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[goes to try them on!!
and then emerges, peering down at himself.]
So this is... what it's like to wear plainer fabrics.
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Do you want something fancier?
week 1, tuesday, somewhere on the island
Great job setting up all that food for everyone.
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[it's quieter than usual, and he's kinda curled in on himself again.]
It was... nice, for a while.
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Are you bothered by your fight with Gale?
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[he shakes his head.]
I was-- terrible to Nona, and Monsieur Daan, and Iwatooshi...
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They'll probably get over it. I stole Daan's pillows last week and replaced them with hay, and he isn't mad.
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[he didn't Want to be rude to them, though.]
I hoped that- wouldn't happen again.
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What do you mean?
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[he hesitates for a few moments.]
You aren't meant to be able to put memories in... a body that doesn't match them. The person who made me found a way, but my body has been starting to reject them, s-so I'm... it leads to that sort of instability..
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[ pursing his lips ]
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I was that way because- they were in the way of taking revenge on someone I hated. Those are someone else's memories.
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[ His brows furrow. ]
You don't have any way of controlling them?
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[his gaze drops, eyes downcast.]
It happened regardless. It was... set off this time by-- if he'd only left me alone-!
[UNFORTUNATELY HE STILL FUCKING HATES GALE RIGHT NOW. being cursed is bad for you when you have brain problems! who knew!]
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Yeah, Gale has a hard time shutting up. [ (affectionate) ] But, well... I don't really know too much about homunculi, but when people get worked up they say you should try counting to ten.
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You can just say it's bad advice.
w1 thursday
which is to say that mathis is finding him after everyone has been seen to.]
A-are you...
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I'm okay.
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[looking him over with concern...]
H-how did this happen?
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[ before he gets into it... do you have drugs ]
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[don't worry he does in fact have drugs! he passes them over.]
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... Where did you get these?
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Did they give anything else?
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That's all pretty helpful.
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[apologetic, despite geto saying this is helpful.]
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Thanks for getting it for us.
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I- I'm relieved it ended up helping. I was... worried, as bad as your injury looked...
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[ touches his throat... ]
Alfyn was hurt more than I was.
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[a little shake of his head.]
I didn't expect that we'd have to worry about that.
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week 1, saturday
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sits down next to him and draws him into a hug, thank you affection week ]
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[just leans right into him, thank you, god he needs so many hugs this weekend.]
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He doesn't say anything at first, gently patting his back. ]
I'm sorry.
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[why did it have to be her.
he lets himself be held, arms wrapping around him in turn.]
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[ Geto's own voice is soft, devoid of emotion, but he does seem sympathetic. ]
She was your friend.
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[ Nona was friendly, though he didn't know her that well. ]
Were you scared to tell her?
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...she might have taken it well, but I was still... afraid.
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[ and he took it in stride so ]
But I get it. Fear isn't rational. I'm sorry you didn't get to tell her.
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[just glancing up at him like ??? why are you implying you're not nice]
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[ it's like being mean to pickles....... JAN! ]
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[you can be mean to him!]
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There's a difference between sugar coating and being nice. It's possible to be nice and honest at the same time.
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[this is helping.]
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Yeah. If you want honesty, I can tell you that the outfits I pick out are probably better than the one you came in.
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[please fix this geto]
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Then, how else should I dress-?
[get him a wardrobe before we LOSE THE ISLAND FOREVER]
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After a bit of rest.
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[
actually you know what? this is post trial. it's probably about that time of night.
mathis passes out.]
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UHH NUDGES HIM? ]
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he is fully snoozing.
geto would have seen this in curfew btw. mathis literally just passes the fuck out at a certain point of the night.]
w2 monday
they meet they're in the void aaaaa]
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There's a lot unveiled as the memories unfolds, charging forward relentlessly and giving not a moment to breathe or process. Geto doesn't think he's ever felt the type of love or loss that Mathis is feeling in this memory, but his chest is heavy all the same when the shadows recede.
His shock is plain as day, looking over at Mathis to gauge his reaction. ]
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it's different.]
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Are you going to die, when you go back there?
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[a little shake of his head.]
Someone else here believes they could fix me... but for now, I will. I likely should have already died, here, since I haven't had my memories maintained...
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Do you want to live?
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Good. What do you want to experience?
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[he's less hesitant, as he speaks, but. maybe a little choked up.]
I want to find out who I actually am, a-and genuinely love someone, and I don't...
I don't want to die, even if I really am a fake human.
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He hadn't been able to reach out then, but thankfully Mathis is close enough for him to take his hand. ]
Okay. Then we'll do our best to make it happen.
[ But. ]
But, you're not a fake anything. You are what you are, and there's nothing wrong with that.
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Nona... was going to help, too.
[...his grip tightens, just a little.]
I don't want to see more people I care about dying, either, but... but in a place like this...
Don't go.
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He doesn't know if he should make promises he's not sure that he can keep anymore. ]
I don't want to.
[ He frowns, pensive. ]
Mathis, have you been looking for your pair?
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[despite the risks, despite everything.]
I'd decided that... if I found them, so that I could explain myself, and they were still willing to risk being paired with someone like me... that I would be their partner.
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Have you found them already? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.
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[he works fast, when he tries to do things.]
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... I don't know if it's a good or bad thing you told me so easily. [ OH WELL ] Can you talk about what happened when you did? Your power amplifying?
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[he likes geto? of course he doesn't mind.]
Um, but I don't know whether I can say that... I've been careful, just in case. Why...?
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It doesn't seem like it has any effect on staying awake on Thursdays [ as far as he knows?? ] or reducing the likely hood of possessions, so I was wondering what the benefits were.
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[so they seemed to think it'd be worthwhile.]
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[ Which is... frustrating. Or maybe he just isn't asking the right questions. ]
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[sorry but he's a communal duckling and this does include war famine and pestilence.]
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1/2
[he flusters so fast help him]
She... w-we weren't exactly...
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I- wanted to live happily with her. I truly did. But with my memories, I... the reason that I fell in love with her wasn't...
She should find someone who will truly... make her happy.
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You don't love her anymore?
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[so she shouldn't love him. he might end up dying, anyway, if he can't be fixed.]
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You don't want to be with her?
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She was in danger because of me, and I may not even live if I go back... but I still have the same feelings for her.
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[ Mathis has more rizz than him... ]
But it's not bad to look around either.
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I don't know whether that's a very good idea...
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But you're going to have a long life ahead of you, so.
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[but the important thing is for her to be happy, not him .]
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[ But whee, shadows are back, and Mathis going to find himself in a cold, terrible morgue.
Behind you, you can hear the heartbreak and betrayal in Nanami's voice. They were sent on a mission that was impossible for them to complete, because cursed spirits are plenty, but sorcerers are scarce. Nanami asks why they can't leave every battle to Satoru, as if he could be everywhere all at once. As if he deserved a life of nothing but violence.
But you can't blame him either. It's the responsibility that goes along with your power, and even if you would give anything for a different reality, you just have to bear it. ]
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[it's a nearly choked little sound, after seeing that scene. the morgue, the body, the sense that goes with it, that weight.
he-- realizes he's never really asked what geto did, back home, but seeing this...
mathis isn't surprised that he hasn't brought it up on his own.]
What... what happened to him-?
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He was killed by a cursed spirit. It happens sometimes to sorcerers like us.
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[but how do ghosts kill people-]
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My worm is one of them.
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[whAT]
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Ah- no. There are lots of different types of curses. My worm is a low grade one, it's not dangerous, especially like this.
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Nah, it's pretty harmless. Just kind of ugly.
week 2, thursday
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anyway, after healing, he still has problems walking-- where he was burned is now scarred black, pulsing red underneath, and he winces every time he takes a step, but. he is at least... probably better?]
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Geto grimaces slightly at the sight of his injury. ]
Do you need help walking?
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[I WASN'T THE ONE WHO DID THISSSS but also his feet Were basically completely burnt and blackened before he even got in the swamp. now they're... still that! but with bonus red pulse. he's got more patches of burns here and there. kind of like he got set on fire and partially healed from that before getting back.]
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I'll help you back to where you're staying.
week 2, saturday
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he's hanging out in the church, more himself, now-- he's subdued, silent.]
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Did you get your knife back?
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[later, he'll ask.]
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I'm sorry.
... I don't think there's any making what you just went through better.
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[he sets a hand on geto's.]
Um... thank you for stopping me.
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It's no problem. I didn't want you to do something when you weren't yourself.
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[handholds...]
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It really sucks.
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I wanted to talk to him, one more time, even if he was...
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I didn't want it to be like this.
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[ With a tinge of frustration, ] And I don't know what we can do but bear it.
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[a quiet little admission, with a shake of his head.]
Maybe that's all that we can do.
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And sighs. ]
So how'd you meet Lucas?
week 3, monday, academy
... This is weird.
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[peering down at it curiously, but it's alpha week so he feels less concerned than he otherwise DEFINITELY WOULD.]
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[ Frowning... protective alpha feelings. ]
Satoru mentioned we should keep up a buddy system. So I wouldn't go exploring alone.
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[hmm. he's confident in himself this week, but.]
I'll be all right, but you can come with me, if you want to?
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Sure. How're your injuries, by the way?
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[he's fine! look how fine he is.]
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You can probably take another dip in the swamp to clear all those out.
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[he's sooo fine.]
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Really?
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[that. it wasn't. okay mathis.]
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[ sighs ]
I guess I can't blame you since the swamp is pretty terrible, but you don't need to act tough.
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[because he was normal about things then, probably,]
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Sensitive...? Any idea why?
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[once again, unconcerned. i hate alpha week actually]
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Have you told a lot of people?
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I think I've only told... three people total. [ help ] But you don't have to worry about accidentally matching up with someone.
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[hmm.]
I just made sure that the person I thought was my partner answered first, so that I could keep us from being paired if I wasn't certain. The only people I ever told before they had told me were the ones I knew I could trust not to confirm us without making sure we were both willing.
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[ sorcerers should be suspicious, and he doesn't have satoru's arrogance. ]
But it's nice— that you trust the people here.
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[of course he does.]
...the only reason I didn't tell you before was that I'd already found mine, and then last week... I couldn't.
[his oopsie on the limits,]
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[ Teasing, Mathis doesn't have to. ]
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[teasing or not, mathis does trust him, so. he doesn't mind entrusting him with this.]
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he tilts his head ]
That's kind of like a chimera, isn't it? You heard of it before?
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[ Hums. ]
You get new powers when you pair up too, right? I wonder if we could use them against the cult somehow.
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[huh. contemplating that quietly, for a second.]
It's still a risk, but it might be worth trying.
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It's been a month, so... I guess I'm starting to really think about our chances of escape.
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No. Mine isn't aggressive and can't influence people. Maybe if it powered up...
I am thinking about looking, now.
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I think it's worth learning.
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I guess there are some things worth the risk.
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[a little pause, before-]
I know that I've encouraged it, but I still don't want to lose you.
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usually his life is pretty expendable. ]
Thanks, Mathis. I'll be careful. I don't want to die either.
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w3 wednesday
[geto you talked so much... about sucking toes...]
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[ sigh of relief ]
How about you?
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[lord. so much occurred.]
But this one was sort of fun!
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[ tilts head ]
Things better now?
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[but it's fine now that they're done with.]
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[ Bumps their shoulders. ]
Thanks for that.
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[their suspicion... stop being SUS.]
I didn't get hit with any- but the timing wasn't very good, after I spoke to Lavi the other day.
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What do you mean?
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[EXTREMELY AWKWARD.]
And... more so, knowing what I cursed you with.
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Anyway, he looks... surprised, and then mostly curious. ]
So you and Lavi...?
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[y'know. sometimes you experience rejection and then the next day is messy.]
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I'm sorry about that. [ ... ] And for everything I did the next day, but I promise I wouldn't have done any of it if I wasn't cursed.
It looks like you're still friends though?
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[this is why he wasn't mad he was just disappointed they got targeted... especially considering-]
We are, though. He said that he... just isn't the type to be able to let anyone in, that way.
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[ Considering how much he yells about cute girls, but it's easy enough to put on an act.
He doesn't say that out loud though. ]
Are you still... happy you feel that way for him? You wanted to find your own love, right?
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[he smiles slightly, there.]
I couldn't be sure whether my love for Ceres was completely genuine or not, but loving anyone here... that couldn't just be from my memories, or influenced by someone else. It's still proof that I can have a love of my own.
[that he has the capacity for it, just as himself.]
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Then I'm glad you got to experience it. And that you still got to keep your friend.
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[he's one of the people important to mathis. it just wouldn't be the same, without that.]
Have... you ever felt that way for anyone, Geto?
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He glances away. ]
Yeah, seems like it.
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[he tilts his head as he glances away, curious.]
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[ rubs his neck, kind of shy ]
But I do feel that way about Satoru.
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[even if he is clearly tempted to because he thinks geto deserves everything.]
But what you were saying about him... it was from your own experience?
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Satoru is kind of abrasive at first, but he's really considerate in his own way. [ fond ] What I was saying about him?
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Something happened between us and he never said or acknowledged it, so I was a little frustrated.
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Yeah.
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[i hate that this is just them being like 🤝 about stupid boys]
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I guess we're pretty similar then. [ amused ] Did Lavi just ignore it too?
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[he changed his mind gojo IS bad taste]
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w4 tues
[where is he mathis is worried again WHAT IS WITH YOU TWO]
Re: w4 tues
Hey, Mathis.
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[this is gojo's fault he said so]
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He got into a fight. It's not a big deal.
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['i'm worried.']
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... He got into a fight with me, and Lavi got caught in the middle.
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... I'm probably just being sensitive.
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[the less he says about it the worse it sounds]
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... I just wish I was better at brushing things off, I guess.
[ I don't want to be angry. ]
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What did he say-?
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[he should know better!
'i said i wouldn't forgive him if he hurt you-'
mathis is ignoring that.]
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He probably just wanted a reaction.
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[lavi has had enough, especially since he's already had to reject mathis...]
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Yeah, Lavi was too close to escape.
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[getting back up like he's about to go hunt gojo down]
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I wouldn't go pick a fight with Satoru. He's pretty stubborn.
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[but he does pause.]
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He can just be thoughtless.
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Feelings suck. ]
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[lmao. he knows. he knows...]
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Sorry. We have bigger things to worry about anyway.
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... I'd like to see you happy. That's all.
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Thanks, Mathis. I'll be okay once I cool off a little bit.
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['i care about you, too, so...']
But if he doesn't at least apologize, I really will be upset with him...!
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[ I hope things don't get awkward with Lavi either. ]
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[then surely things will be fine with them and lavi.]
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Yeah. Are you doing okay, by the way?
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['i wish that he were able to let anyone else in for his own sake, but-'
his thought trails off there.]
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You're a better person than me. I'd probably obsess over it a while.
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he doesn't say it aloud, but thank you, thoughtshare.]
Um... well, we have... more to worry about.
[that's just what geto said a minute ago]
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[ Frowns. ]
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[maybe he shouldn't have said that.]
...I wouldn't say that I've... obsessed over it at all. But even if it isn't awkward, i-it's still...
It still hurts a bit to see him smile at me, sometimes.
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Yeah, it's not that different to losing someone. A type of grief over love you didn't get to have. [ He sighs. ] And it's okay if it takes time to mourn.
Even though it feels like we don't have any time at all here.
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[there's never any telling how much time there is.]
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[ also he nudging his shoulder not judging i really need to sleep ]
I get why you wouldn't want to show it in front of him too, but if you want to talk about it or just let yourself feel sad, I can sit with you.
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[he admits quietly, his eye downcast.]
I don't-- I don't want to make him feel badly for it, but I'm not sure there's anyone else who I could...
[after a pause, he finishes:]
There are things that we share that I don't... have in common with very many people here.
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[ You're both carrying other people's memories? ]
Like what...?
w4 friday
mathis is still here by the posters after reading them, collapsed onto his knees, crying.]
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Gets on the ground next to him, and puts an arm around his shoulders. C'mere. ]
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but mathis clings to him, head on his shoulder, just sobbing. this one is bad! it's fucking bad!]
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Just murmuring, ] I'm sorry.
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we were just- i thought we were-- getting somewhere.]
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He doesn't know what the thoughts are about, but all he can offer, ] Feels like another step back.
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i wanted kanda to-- he should have--
...he really wanted him to live.]
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You were close with Kanda.
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he shakes his head, still clinging.]
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[ He doesn't have to answer, but Geto isn't going to remain sitting here much longer.
So he just picks Mathis up, and carry him so that they can sit by the pyre. ]
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I- I think I was... starting to be. Maybe.
[he said i was only going to get hurt.
guess he was right.]
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[ He says it without heat, just quiet and reflective. ]
That's true of getting close to anyone.
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[he agrees, quietly, but without any force behind it on his end either. he loves lavi, he cares so much about kanda, but.
well, they are.]
I didn't want him to die.
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[ He closes his eyes. ]
And tomorrow's just going to make it worse.
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[ooooh it's gonna suck. it's gonna suck!]
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I wonder if the killers are looking forward to being caught.
week 4, saturday, boardwalk
He's been pretty composed every week until now, but he's looking not great... running his hands through his hair, which he pulled out from his usual bun. ]
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he's just the kind of sad that's exhausted. out of tears, nothing left.]
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Gently tugs on Mathis so they are leaning against one another. ]
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I don't know... how much more we can-
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I can't tell you... what we can do but keep surviving.
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But I'm... I'm tired.
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I'm ready for this to be done.
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It's too much.
[and then on top of it all he's pretty sure he's misstepped with lavi so that's fine.]
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I'm just holding onto the idea of revenge against this cult.
[ haha violence! ]
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I'm not sure that would... help me much.
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Not much for revenge?
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[he shakes his head, posture slumping a bit.]
...I don't have it in me.
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[ He glances up. ]
Besides, revenge wouldn't make any of this okay.
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They need to be stopped permanently. If there's a nonviolent way to do that, we can explore it too.
week 5, tuesday, pavilion
Hey Mathis, do you know a lot about mouths?
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[glancing up to him, head tilted...
his vibes are just like, tired and sad, that is consistently his baseline right now.]
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I got a letter telling me to learn everything about mouths. Some of the others in the mortuary got other body parts.
It's supposedly related to the scriptures.
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[ frustration now ]
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[weird!! what the hell.]
Um, I need to tell you what one of mine said, but first, I don't want to forget to ask you... if you never found your partner, a-are they still alive? [and then hurriedly explaining, with a little worry:] I know you're limited in saying so if they're dead, so you don't have to! B-but-- Karlach had one, and we'll only have... a few days left to save them.
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[ They're trustworthy.
At the question, there's a sense of unease. ]
Did you know what Karlach's monster was?
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My monster is oni.
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THE VIBES ARE IMMEDIATELY JUST
`PANIK`]
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Well, there's definitely heartache coming off him know, but it's tempered by a sense of gratitude. ]
But I'm okay, don't worry. I found a partner.
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[UGH YOU FUCKS
CLINGING TO HIM GET FUCKING HUGGED HE IS JUST EXUDING RELIEF]
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Sorry, I didn't have any tells left. Karlach wanted to make sure Gale and Astarion knew in case anything happened.
... I do wish they'd told me they were going to kill her though.
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That's.. letting her tell them is how I ended up going over my limit before, so I understand... b-but still--
[uuuugh he hates it here. the vibes are going right back to depression when he says he didn't know.]
...they really didn't tell you, either...?
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No. She said that she thought I would try to stop her.
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[his emotions match geto's pretty closely, though there's more sadness to it, from him.]
w5 sunday
it's been a pretty constant thing that his vibes are sad and tired but they're like, turned up to 11 today, much as he's trying to stifle it.]
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When he sees Mathis, he'll head over. ]
Want some tea?
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[it's difficult to practice self care on the weekends.]
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[ He smiles, though he doubts Mathis will find his explanation any more compelling.
He'll settle on one of the tables in the tea garden, and tea... will magically be served! ]
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[he mostly just holds the teacup in his hands, though, gazing down into it.]
... I don't know whether I can relax knowing there's still another week coming.
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Because there's nothing else you can do.
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[there's some guilt in his emotions, there, a little resignation.]
I wasn't... intending to be here for it.
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What do you mean?
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[sometimes you start thinking about how 5 people being left means watching basically everyone around you die and you realize that actually, fuck this?
and then everyone tells you you're not allowed.]
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Mathis, were you going to kill yourself?
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[more guilt and self-consciousness in return.]
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[the horror at that is so immediate.]
...to be honest, I didn't... know what to do.
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I get that it's hard. But I don't know how much easier it'll be on that side.
You're still separated from someone. You're still watching people get hurt.
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He said that he... wouldn't be disappointed in me, if I chose not to continue.
[...]
But it's very clear that it would only... hurt others, if I did, so even if I don't want this, I can't...
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... In the letters, everyone does seem cheerful. I don't know if it's just because they're putting on a brave face, but maybe not.
So maybe I'm wrong... I just don't know if I trust it. It feels like dying makes escape more complicated, and our chances are already low.
But don't torture yourself to spare others.
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I just don't know if there are any good options. Why do you think it'd be better over there?
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[he misses them. he's so tired.]
But after some of the things Lavi said, I can't... I can't go.
w6, monday
Are you planning on staying here...?
[because he's coming with.
he's still quiet and looks tired, maybe a bit subdued, but. we're not blasted by emotionshare.]
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WOW ]
Yeah, it's more comfortable than the morgue. [ Sighs. ] We probably won't have running water, though.
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Mm... it'll be a little uncomfortable, but better than no windows...
I'll bring my plants with me.
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[she just hands him plants when he's too sad]
The orchid is Rosalie, a-and I have a cactus I named Kanda.
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Is Rosalie someone you know too?
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You feel a kinship with her?
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[...]
Some of my memories... are Camille's. So I remember her, too, even if we never met.
[which. you know. specifically he remembers being extremely in love with her so maybe it's a little weird but.]
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She's only someone he loved, who... died too soon. [a moment of hesitation, there.] She was murdered just before their wedding. They were going to have a child.
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Why...?
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They-- they had sworn not to become Relivers, so they wouldn't lose their love for each other... so she had no backup to be revived that way.
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Right. I heard that being a Reliver takes away your ability to feel strong emotions. [ Ugh, frustrated. ] That's... terrible.
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Love makes people do crazy things.
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[ Anyway, speaking of romance.
Mathis looked suspiciously at the door. "How did you come to be here?"
Nothing for it then, the truth. Or part of it. Geto answered, "I followed you."
Mathis' breathing quickened. "Why?"
"For the same reason those soldiers did."
"And why is that?"
"To get the blade I slid into your basket."
"The blade you slid into...?"
Mathis untangled his legs and shoved onto his feet, backing up so fast he banged into the bench. The one thing right in the room, overturned again.
Isn't that the way? Geto thought, rising. He did nothing by half-measures, not even ruination. And he was going to ruin him. ]
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[oh no not again
he's flustered by the time that's over, hands covering his face.]
Why-- why are all of these romantic...!
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Gives Mathis a sympathetic look. ]
Sorry. Are you uncomfortable?
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[geto's great? this would be fine if he wasn't taken.]
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It is a little awkward...
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[he has enough awareness to tell he Could have liked him so it's just extra strange. man.]
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[ Though he is no expert. ]
So many romance novels have straight up harassment.
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[he keeps not needing to use his name to his face but finally manages to use this since you said he'd have been given name perms]
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he looks thoughtful ]
I think it depends on the person. Everyone has different needs... I never thought about being in a relationship much before.
So if someone does like harassment...?
[ GOOD FOR THEM? ]
week 6, friday
They can lean together. ]
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he will lean on him, then.]
...are you all right?
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Yeah.
Is that bad?
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Are you all right?
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And the last time I spoke with Vin about what would have to happen, she... she seemed sad.
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Yeah. I'm a little worried about her, to be honest. She did seem so full of grief.
week 6, saturday, mortuary
... Ah. What a day.
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[oof. he just cuts himself off, there, shaking his head.]
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It was terrible dividing us up like that.
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But as long as we all get out of here, that's all that matters.
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I, um, I trust you. You... you were one of my choices.
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No rest for me, huh?
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[...he can at least say it now that they aren't in public.]
I'm sorry I can't... be with you. I wanted to be.
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Yeah, me too. [ ... ] But I'm glad too, that you'll get to see everyone again.
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... y-yes. There's that.
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I'm glad. Did you use it for yourself?
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She'll be safe and alive, and the curse will be cured, but we couldn't stretch it further than that.
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...Scien knows how to fix me. He says he has, in his timeline. I just don't know if he'd be able to do that before I went back.
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If you trust him... Are you going to look for any other solutions?
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[a hesitant little pause.]
I don't... think that I will. I would rather leave first, if I can, or it's going to be too difficult for me to go later.
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...I already don't want to leave. If I stay a while, first, then it's... only going to be harder to let myself die.
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[ He grimaces. ]
You really changed your mind from a week ago.
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[maybe he shouldn't have, though.]
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Because of Lavi?
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[but sometimes a boy you're in love with hits every right dialogue option]
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[ smiles ]
I'm glad to have met him too.
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I doubt he'll meet anyone like you either.
week 7, monday, eden
Is there anything you wanted to do?
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[he just wants to hang out...]
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This is the nicest area. The place with the gas station was terrible.
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[holding his hand tight.]
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Oh, what do you want from the library?
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[ Smiles at the memory. ]
Satoru got really excited when we found the manga section.
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[show him manga!!]
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[ He'll show him YuYu Hakusho and Slam Dunk!
Me not having read either of these. ]
w7 Saturday
the layout of his room is similar to his attic bedroom in the mansion, with its angled ceilings and shelving built into the walls; it differs in the furnishings and decor, however, set up as a cozier, more nook-like space with hanging lights and multiple comfy spots to sit on the floor, books stacked neatly nearby. the bed is, similarly, very low to the floor, with pillows piled onto it. rain patters against the window, keeping the room from getting much natural light, but it's a little soothing if you like that kind of thing.
he falls onto the bed.]
I... I could sleep for a day...
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This is pretty nice... Do any of the others live here too?
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[though he does add:]
Iwatooshi has been sleeping here, though, since it was... a little strange, to sleep completely alone.
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Was he your first partner?
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I've always sort of considered us to still be partners-- I never thought of Ashlyn as any less of one, but Iwatooshi is no less my partner because of that, either.
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You must've been scared when he was killed. I'm sorry I didn't notice.
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[well. here's the funny thing.]
I didn't have any tells left since I let Karlach share with Gale and Astarion.
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He laughs. ]
Those three...
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[but the emotions are fond, regardless.]
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Yeah. [ SIGHS!! He'll sit on the bed. ] I heard you all built a world hopping machine?
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Yeah, of course. I can show you around Tokyo— it might be a little overwhelming at first, but it's a fun city.
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[he will just cling the whole time.]
Um, is it... safe to go there, by the way? I don't want to impose, but I can't return to the point in time I was taken from, s-so I'll need to stay somewhere else for a little while...
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Yeah, you can stay if you need to. Why can't you go back?
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[a little shake of his head.]
The wish I made will stop his experiments. But I need to wait, first.