[it's-- it's rough on him. he's curled in on himself, gaze downcast, almost like he's afraid to look up at geto; yes, he's told him what he is, but this...
Someone else here believes they could fix me... but for now, I will. I likely should have already died, here, since I haven't had my memories maintained...
[ For a moment, with how often they've been wandering in and out of memories lately, hearing Mathis like this takes him to another moment. To someone else who wanted to live a moment longer with the ones they loved and experience friendship and love, and all the other things they hadn't gotten as someone... different.
He hadn't been able to reach out then, but thankfully Mathis is close enough for him to take his hand. ]
Okay. Then we'll do our best to make it happen.
[ But. ]
But, you're not a fake anything. You are what you are, and there's nothing wrong with that.
[ It's- a little weird to be held onto in return. He's never had close friends outside of Satoru and Shoko, and the both of them would throw up before ever being so sincere.
He doesn't know if he should make promises he's not sure that he can keep anymore. ]
I'd decided that... if I found them, so that I could explain myself, and they were still willing to risk being paired with someone like me... that I would be their partner.
It doesn't seem like it has any effect on staying awake on Thursdays [ as far as he knows?? ] or reducing the likely hood of possessions, so I was wondering what the benefits were.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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it's different.]
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Are you going to die, when you go back there?
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[a little shake of his head.]
Someone else here believes they could fix me... but for now, I will. I likely should have already died, here, since I haven't had my memories maintained...
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Do you want to live?
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Good. What do you want to experience?
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[he's less hesitant, as he speaks, but. maybe a little choked up.]
I want to find out who I actually am, a-and genuinely love someone, and I don't...
I don't want to die, even if I really am a fake human.
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He hadn't been able to reach out then, but thankfully Mathis is close enough for him to take his hand. ]
Okay. Then we'll do our best to make it happen.
[ But. ]
But, you're not a fake anything. You are what you are, and there's nothing wrong with that.
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Nona... was going to help, too.
[...his grip tightens, just a little.]
I don't want to see more people I care about dying, either, but... but in a place like this...
Don't go.
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He doesn't know if he should make promises he's not sure that he can keep anymore. ]
I don't want to.
[ He frowns, pensive. ]
Mathis, have you been looking for your pair?
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[despite the risks, despite everything.]
I'd decided that... if I found them, so that I could explain myself, and they were still willing to risk being paired with someone like me... that I would be their partner.
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Have you found them already? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.
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[he works fast, when he tries to do things.]
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... I don't know if it's a good or bad thing you told me so easily. [ OH WELL ] Can you talk about what happened when you did? Your power amplifying?
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[he likes geto? of course he doesn't mind.]
Um, but I don't know whether I can say that... I've been careful, just in case. Why...?
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It doesn't seem like it has any effect on staying awake on Thursdays [ as far as he knows?? ] or reducing the likely hood of possessions, so I was wondering what the benefits were.
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[so they seemed to think it'd be worthwhile.]
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[ Which is... frustrating. Or maybe he just isn't asking the right questions. ]
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[sorry but he's a communal duckling and this does include war famine and pestilence.]
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1/2
[he flusters so fast help him]
She... w-we weren't exactly...
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I- wanted to live happily with her. I truly did. But with my memories, I... the reason that I fell in love with her wasn't...
She should find someone who will truly... make her happy.
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You don't love her anymore?
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