[ Annoyed!! He pulls his hair out of his bun since it probably got messed up while they were tussling, and runs his fingers through it, forced to contend with the reality that it will be greasy soon. Their toiletries... ]
I'm just asking since Karlach said she burned! I'm trying to find a pattern here!
[ and they will get memory'd despite big ass, puppy says, and Ishtar dying. It's just basically his death. i am only realizing how long it is maybe i'll trim it tomorrow but you know what this is already ]
[ Oh, he's just extremely annoyed to see Toji again. There's no shame in seeing his failure... He was humbled, then rose from that. He's almost one hair away from being grateful for the encounter. It helped him reach enlightenment and keep claim of the title of strongest.
So of course he rolls his eyes when he sees Toji stab him, startled when Suguru draws him back in. His first reaction is "what's with you?" but... After a moment of thinking some more he understands. ]
[ It is! And we have to witness a gunshot down in the hallway of the stars or whatever it's called. They really animated it like this and at first Satoru is warmed to see Suguru in his element, caring for others, and Riko letting her emotions flow. It's bitter sweet.
He lets the moment set in silence before he speaks again. ]
[ Damn... Toji really is a monster of some kind. It is making Satoru rethink the jujutsu world when heavenly restriction can turn into a military tank. They can have nothing to say and that's all right. ]
Same here.
[ We only have so many memshares. ]
She'd think us getting emotional over her would be gross, though.
[ Like that's the important part of it. He isn't sure what Suguru is smiling about, he often smiles, so he doesn't assume it's something stupid that happened to him. ]
... You don't blame yourself for what happened then, right?
[ He asked this before back then, but he may as well ask again. Time sometimes isn't enough. ]
[ Okay, well. What Suguru was expecting was for Satoru to open to him about the paranoia he's carried ever since Toji beat his ass, and the incessant pressure to always be in control and safe.
What he was not expecting? This.
The words sink in, making no sense, and yet being so very easy to picture.
A village. Non-sorcerers. Screaming, yelling, letting his blood and sanity slip for the sake of their ungrateful safety.
He killed them all? And his own parents?
His own parents?
He yanks his wrist from Satoru's grip, half expecting the explanation to be a joke, but fully knowing that it isn't. ]
[ lmao no because he doesn't quite understand his trauma enough to elaborate or explain it... i'm sorry... he's stupid...
No, don't yank away! He's going to hold on. ]
I was going to! But so much kept happening that I forgot sometimes! [ that isn't an excuse, but it is the reality. ] I...
[ Damn, there are so many emotions and it isn't even about him. Is he well-equipped to understand everything he feels? Not really, but some of it is too familiar. Whenever they were together, he softened the edges and he could relax a bit. He enjoyed every single second, even if it came at his expense sometimes. It was fun.
He missed him.
... That isn't an excuse, no. He shouldn't have one. His shoulders slump even though he's gritting his teeth. ]
You should have. [ His voice is snarl by the time he replies, furious in a way that he rarely ever is, and only ever is with Satoru. This time heedless of the remorse that's being shown.
He hadn't wanted Satoru to know about the ugly thing festering inside of him, the steadily building hatred that left him feeling alone, and a little insane, steadily driving him to betray all the morals he once espoused. The magic of this place had made it impossible to hide, writing his secrets over his body, and he remembers the cold fear he'd felt when he'd first been forced to speak of it.
But it hadn't mattered. Satoru had known all along.
He feels dizzy with anger, and horrified at the future that awaits.
And hurt, too. He had thought maybe Satoru was affected by the isolation as much as he was. ]
So that's why you've been so concerned about me? Sticking so close to me? [ He takes a breath, knuckles digging into his closed eyes. ] You were afraid I'd snap and kill the people here?
[ Childishly, he matches Suguru's energy. Yes, he should have. Yes, he was negligent. He admitted it. It doesn't need to be repeated. Catching himself, he tries to placate himself, even though Suguru's tone incites the will to fight.
Satoru thought he was careful and showed consideration in a different way than he normally would... Trying to find the right time, even though it slipped through the cracks and opportunities passed thanks to his selfishness. An intentional silence was in mind to let Suguru spill all he can and wants, quickly foiled when those inflammatory questions escape his lips.
Satoru's mind, his heart, his whole soul knows he wronged him, but his body moves to the fury that ignites in his core. The hand on Suguru's wrist swaps to grabbing him by the collar, violently tugging him closer.
Eyes wide, teeth grinding, he's looking like a wild animal ready to bite... A wounded animal, lashing out from the pain. ]
Were you always such an idiot?! [ He violently jostles Suguru, trying displace the hand against his eyes. The volume rises and rises. ] You're my best friend and I care about you! Not enough?! Do I have to spell it out?! I was concerned because I care about you! I stuck close because I like being with you!
[ A silence rolls in, but he breaks it. Quieter, but tone still sharp. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Smiles.... widely........ Your ass. ]
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[ Annoyed!! He pulls his hair out of his bun since it probably got messed up while they were tussling, and runs his fingers through it, forced to contend with the reality that it will be greasy soon. Their toiletries... ]
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It'll be okay, it'll be okay. [ Pat pat pat are these comforting or condescending. ] Your ass is bound to deflate!
[ ................ ]
It doesn't burn, right?
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Why would it burn? I don't have herpes?
[ Presses his ass like that will be enough to make it smaller. ]
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I'm just asking since Karlach said she burned! I'm trying to find a pattern here!
[ and they will get memory'd despite big ass, puppy says, and Ishtar dying. It's just basically his death. i am only realizing how long it is maybe i'll trim it tomorrow but you know what this is already ]
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Just hearing Toji's voice again fills him with rage. He hates that guy so much.
And even though Satoru had lived, it's hard to watch, and to remember the moment when he'd believed him to be dead. ]
... I shouldn't have left you to fight him alone.
[ Not that he would've been much help. Toji had wiped the floor with him too. ]
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So of course he rolls his eyes when he sees Toji stab him, startled when Suguru draws him back in. His first reaction is "what's with you?" but... After a moment of thinking some more he understands. ]
It's not your fault.
[ Pats his arm. ]
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Who said anything about fault? I just wanted a better chance of kicking his ass.
[ He's angry, and there's a little growl in his voice but it's hard to hear. Like the time he purred Satoru's voice. ]
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It's too bad we didn't get to fight him together.
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He stays quiet, pensive. ]
Yeah.
[ Not that Satoru needed him in the end but I don't want to get into that angst so here. ]
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He lets the moment set in silence before he speaks again. ]
... So that's what happened.
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He just sits there too, trying to figure out what to say. ]
I've seen a lot of memories with her lately.
[ He misses her. ]
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Same here.
[ We only have so many memshares. ]
She'd think us getting emotional over her would be gross, though.
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[ Remembering how she smacked Satoru in the fact with a smile. ]
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[ Like that's the important part of it. He isn't sure what Suguru is smiling about, he often smiles, so he doesn't assume it's something stupid that happened to him. ]
... You don't blame yourself for what happened then, right?
[ He asked this before back then, but he may as well ask again. Time sometimes isn't enough. ]
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The question makes him pause, gaze shifting away. ]
Didn't we go over this already?
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[ What's wrong with making sure? He bumps their shoulders. ]
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You don't need to worry about me so much.
[ It's making him self-conscious. ]
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However, he thinks he should at least broach this. ]
Remember I said I would talk to you... [ He rubs his neck. ] I would rather it be from me than from you seeing my memories.
[ Which is bound to happen. Sorry this is happening on fat ass thread. ]
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He looks back at Satoru at that, trying to catch his eye. ]
I get it. [ Reaches out for Satoru's hand, just giving it a gentle squeeze before letting go. ] I'd rather hear it from you too.
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I don't know what exactly happened... Or why, but you went on a mission and killed everyone in the village. Your parents were next.
[ Not beating around the bush about any of this, but his tone is leveled, and careful. ]
When I found you, you told me you wanted to make a world without non-sorcerers.
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What he was not expecting? This.
The words sink in, making no sense, and yet being so very easy to picture.
A village. Non-sorcerers. Screaming, yelling, letting his blood and sanity slip for the sake of their ungrateful safety.
He killed them all? And his own parents?
His own parents?
He yanks his wrist from Satoru's grip, half expecting the explanation to be a joke, but fully knowing that it isn't. ]
Why didn't you tell me sooner?
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No, don't yank away! He's going to hold on. ]
I was going to! But so much kept happening that I forgot sometimes! [ that isn't an excuse, but it is the reality. ] I...
[ Damn, there are so many emotions and it isn't even about him. Is he well-equipped to understand everything he feels? Not really, but some of it is too familiar. Whenever they were together, he softened the edges and he could relax a bit. He enjoyed every single second, even if it came at his expense sometimes. It was fun.
He missed him.
... That isn't an excuse, no. He shouldn't have one. His shoulders slump even though he's gritting his teeth. ]
I should have.
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He hadn't wanted Satoru to know about the ugly thing festering inside of him, the steadily building hatred that left him feeling alone, and a little insane, steadily driving him to betray all the morals he once espoused. The magic of this place had made it impossible to hide, writing his secrets over his body, and he remembers the cold fear he'd felt when he'd first been forced to speak of it.
But it hadn't mattered. Satoru had known all along.
He feels dizzy with anger, and horrified at the future that awaits.
And hurt, too. He had thought maybe Satoru was affected by the isolation as much as he was. ]
So that's why you've been so concerned about me? Sticking so close to me? [ He takes a breath, knuckles digging into his closed eyes. ] You were afraid I'd snap and kill the people here?
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[ Childishly, he matches Suguru's energy. Yes, he should have. Yes, he was negligent. He admitted it. It doesn't need to be repeated. Catching himself, he tries to placate himself, even though Suguru's tone incites the will to fight.
Satoru thought he was careful and showed consideration in a different way than he normally would... Trying to find the right time, even though it slipped through the cracks and opportunities passed thanks to his selfishness. An intentional silence was in mind to let Suguru spill all he can and wants, quickly foiled when those inflammatory questions escape his lips.
Satoru's mind, his heart, his whole soul knows he wronged him, but his body moves to the fury that ignites in his core. The hand on Suguru's wrist swaps to grabbing him by the collar, violently tugging him closer.
Eyes wide, teeth grinding, he's looking like a wild animal ready to bite... A wounded animal, lashing out from the pain. ]
Were you always such an idiot?! [ He violently jostles Suguru, trying displace the hand against his eyes. The volume rises and rises. ] You're my best friend and I care about you! Not enough?! Do I have to spell it out?! I was concerned because I care about you! I stuck close because I like being with you!
[ A silence rolls in, but he breaks it. Quieter, but tone still sharp. ]
Look at me.
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