Good thing you got cursed with a fat ass to cushion the bullshit you're probably thinking and your fall.
[ Says Satoru, splayed on the floor like a starfish. His body aches in a way it hasn't in a long time with every muscle fiber straining... Sure, he had a little fight with Karma and it was for fun, but it isn't the same when raw emotions are weaved in.
It isn't enough to get him to shut the fuck up, though. ]
[ OKAY On a normal day that would be enough for him to yank Satoru into another fight, but today he stays quiet. He shifts so that one leg is bent, and he can rest his arm against it, head tilting forward to let his hair fall across his face.
At least his head is clearer now, the initial rush of emotion left a nauseating simmer. ]
He should feel oh so vindicated when he hears an apology, but nothing washes over him. Nothing at all. If anything, he feels worse and that is incredibly annoying. There's no venom left in him, no motivation to say "you should be," and it's not like he genuinely thinks or means that.
Drawing his limbs in, he tries to get comfortable. Ow. ]
It's okay.
[ Truthfully, he would absolve Suguru of almost anything. ]
[ He sees it and instinctively feels compelled to come over, but he also wants to give Suguru a hard time for no good reason whatsoever except that he thinks he's stupid.
So the thoughtful look on his face contorts, gaze flat and lips pursed... Time to pout, then turn over and away, so he can immaturely sulk like a massive baby. Hmph.
You know when a cat acts like it doesn't care for you and whatever you're doing, but if you approach it and give it some pets it lets you because it likes you so much... Same feeling here. He lets Suguru ruffle his hair.
After more patting, he sighs and sits up to look at him properly. They're here, together. He came over, metaphorically. ]
[ He really is so spoiled. (Actively contributes to it.)
Looks back at him, still not sure what he wants to say or do. ]
I'm still pissed you didn't tell me earlier. [ If he thinks about it too much, it still makes his blood boil a little. ] ... But I guess you were trying to be delicate.
There was no way you were going to take it well. [ He knows that can stoke the flames and they're both very tired. ] Not after I acted that way to you, at the beginning.
[ It did not seem like a good time. Anyway, it's his turn. ]
[ Right. When they'd first arrived here, and Satoru had met him with an that anger.
... But not hatred. He wonders what he was thinking when he murdered that village. Had he decided that staying at the school was more unbearable than leaving Satoru and Shoko behind? It was a decision that he could never return from. Did he hate them for not struggling like he was? ]
Are you going to execute me then? When you get back.
I don't know. [ He rubs his neck and looks off to the side, obviously stressed from thinking about it. ] If things are still like that when I get back, then that's my problem and I'll figure it out.
[ It has little to do with Suguru next to him. Heaving a sigh, he lets the silence sit for a second as he rubs his face with a hand. ]
[ He feels!! Stupid and gross... Feeling this vulnerable. ]
I know I didn't do great, but I wanted to give the other path something of a fighting chance.
[ It always has been and he had come to terms he can't force Suguru. He can't slot him back to how he used to be, but if he can warp the circumstances that forced Suguru's hand... If he can make an obvious choice become choices instead, maybe it'll be enough.
Thinking about what's out of his control and beyond his power leaves him feeling helpless, likewise awful, so he bonks his head against Suguru's shoulder. ]
It's still your choice and I'm not asking you to make it now.
[ Oh, he's explaining himself. Suguru's comment about him being manipulative might've landed too hard...
He glances down at Satoru's head, trying to sort out how he feels about it all. A future where he mows down an entire village of people (it'd be very easy), and where he kills his parents in cold blood.
He doesn't feel... justified or relieved, more like he can understand why he would. ]
Lately, I hate being at the school, and spending every moment that I'm not on a mission dreading being called for the next one. Or dreading that I'll get news that something happened to someone else. I really hate it.
... But I'm happy when I'm with you. You said it to me earlier, so I'm going to say it back: I could never hate you, Satoru. Not for real.
[ Satoru has been receptive to criticism and advice, knowing interpersonal handlings are out of his wheelhouse, even if it's picked up from his best friend verbally attacking him.
He stays quiet, keeping his head rested on him, and closes his eyes as he lets Suguru's voice lull him. These words—they aren't comforting. They aren't happy. There's a sweetness at the end, though bitter at the edges.
A whisper, it wasn't enough, but he keeps it to himself. He doesn't let it sway him. He doesn't let it control him. Suguru's words mean much more. So... He pouts like he usually does. ]
Mm. [ A pause as he realizes this is where he should offer reassurance. ] Thanks for telling me about how you feel.
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[ Says Satoru, splayed on the floor like a starfish. His body aches in a way it hasn't in a long time with every muscle fiber straining... Sure, he had a little fight with Karma and it was for fun, but it isn't the same when raw emotions are weaved in.
It isn't enough to get him to shut the fuck up, though. ]
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At least his head is clearer now, the initial rush of emotion left a nauseating simmer. ]
... I'm sorry.
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He should feel oh so vindicated when he hears an apology, but nothing washes over him. Nothing at all. If anything, he feels worse and that is incredibly annoying. There's no venom left in him, no motivation to say "you should be," and it's not like he genuinely thinks or means that.
Drawing his limbs in, he tries to get comfortable. Ow. ]
It's okay.
[ Truthfully, he would absolve Suguru of almost anything. ]
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[ He doesn't say anything else though, letting his head fall against the arm he has resting on his knee, exhaustion taking the place of anger. ]
So there must be an execution order out for me.
[ You don't get to kill that many people and just go about your day. ]
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[ He isn't going to lie. It would be stupid when Suguru knows the rules better than him. ]
But for you, none of that has happened. [ ... ] And it doesn't need to happen.
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He sighs, running a hand through his hair and looking over at Satoru.
He makes a "come here" gesture. ]
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So the thoughtful look on his face contorts, gaze flat and lips pursed... Time to pout, then turn over and away, so he can immaturely sulk like a massive baby. Hmph.
He isn't even that far, which is so funny. ]
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Taking a second to ask Buddha for patience, he gets up himself and the four steps to where Satoru is, and then crouches down there.
He contemplates what to do for a second and then... settles on ruffling his hair. Pat pat. ]
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You know when a cat acts like it doesn't care for you and whatever you're doing, but if you approach it and give it some pets it lets you because it likes you so much... Same feeling here. He lets Suguru ruffle his hair.
After more patting, he sighs and sits up to look at him properly. They're here, together. He came over, metaphorically. ]
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Looks back at him, still not sure what he wants to say or do. ]
I'm still pissed you didn't tell me earlier. [ If he thinks about it too much, it still makes his blood boil a little. ] ... But I guess you were trying to be delicate.
So for that part of it... thanks.
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[ It did not seem like a good time. Anyway, it's his turn. ]
Sorry.
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... But not hatred. He wonders what he was thinking when he murdered that village. Had he decided that staying at the school was more unbearable than leaving Satoru and Shoko behind? It was a decision that he could never return from. Did he hate them for not struggling like he was? ]
Are you going to execute me then? When you get back.
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[ It has little to do with Suguru next to him. Heaving a sigh, he lets the silence sit for a second as he rubs his face with a hand. ]
You know I want the best for you?
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I know.
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I know I didn't do great, but I wanted to give the other path something of a fighting chance.
[ It always has been and he had come to terms he can't force Suguru. He can't slot him back to how he used to be, but if he can warp the circumstances that forced Suguru's hand... If he can make an obvious choice become choices instead, maybe it'll be enough.
Thinking about what's out of his control and beyond his power leaves him feeling helpless, likewise awful, so he bonks his head against Suguru's shoulder. ]
It's still your choice and I'm not asking you to make it now.
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He glances down at Satoru's head, trying to sort out how he feels about it all. A future where he mows down an entire village of people (it'd be very easy), and where he kills his parents in cold blood.
He doesn't feel... justified or relieved, more like he can understand why he would. ]
Lately, I hate being at the school, and spending every moment that I'm not on a mission dreading being called for the next one. Or dreading that I'll get news that something happened to someone else. I really hate it.
... But I'm happy when I'm with you. You said it to me earlier, so I'm going to say it back: I could never hate you, Satoru. Not for real.
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He stays quiet, keeping his head rested on him, and closes his eyes as he lets Suguru's voice lull him. These words—they aren't comforting. They aren't happy. There's a sweetness at the end, though bitter at the edges.
A whisper, it wasn't enough, but he keeps it to himself. He doesn't let it sway him. He doesn't let it control him. Suguru's words mean much more. So... He pouts like he usually does. ]
Mm. [ A pause as he realizes this is where he should offer reassurance. ] Thanks for telling me about how you feel.
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It's not affection week, but he briefly buries his face in Satoru's hair, taking a moment to appreciate the effort he's making.
He pulls away after a moment, Straightening up before nudging Satoru to rest his head on his leg so that he can play with his hair. Cozy. ]
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I'm tired.
[ Is it time for a nappy... A real nap. ]
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Sleep for a bit.
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[ He will take a solid nap and Suguru is stuck here. Ishtar dies. ]