You can't erase things. [So speaks the woman who wiped her body free of all maiming. Camille grimaces. Looks down to her hands.] People can think what they like. And plenty have thought worse. About me, or other people like me. They've said it to my face. Or made it clear, through the things they do.
There's a point though. You can either look at what you've done, what damage you caused, and ask why it is you regret it. What took you to place where you regret it, and why.
From there, you can use it to check what you're doing in the here and now. That's the only place you'll be able to make a difference in.
You didn't treat me cruelly, Geto. No matter what you may have thought to start. Instead you were helpful to me. Moreso than I was to you, at times.
[Finding out that Karlach had a partner after she'd stupidly accosted her at trial was rough. Finding out weeks later that partner had been Geto?
The sting of guilt is sharp. A close fucking call. It's almost justice that she'd been brought in to kill Daan instead. A small favour to atone for havoc nearly wreaked.]
Unless you're planning on pulling the rug out from under me now, I think that speaks more to your character than a shitty first impression.
[What she wants to say is you're still young. Plenty of time to change.
Amma was young, too. Camille had been young, and never got better. Never gave herself the chance, never got gifted one by concerned friends and family. Frankly speaking, this fucked up two-month stint off-world has garnered her more clemency and understanding than she's ever known in her life, much less all at once. Frank and Eileen were helping, but they were a two-man army going it solo in a twenty year battle. She was a weight around their necks, and she knows it.
But it doesn't have to be that way. It shouldn't have to be.]
Especially if you have help. People who give a damn.
[ He wants to believe it. Even if there's a part of him that feels permanently broken. That desire to be good, and to be noble. To give himself up for the sake of what's right.
There are times again where he feels like nothing will ever get better, and there's no escaping the sheer hopelessness that plagues him. He thinks he might as well remain apathetic, because the alternative only causes suffering.
... But he thinks it'll pass. There are still good moments. ]
Thanks, Camille. [ He squeezes her hand in return. ] Despite what I first felt, I admired you too.
You were still trying to change despite going through it alone. I don't think I could've done that.
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But what?
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[ Where is the justice for his misdeeds... ]
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There's a point though. You can either look at what you've done, what damage you caused, and ask why it is you regret it. What took you to place where you regret it, and why.
From there, you can use it to check what you're doing in the here and now. That's the only place you'll be able to make a difference in.
You didn't treat me cruelly, Geto. No matter what you may have thought to start. Instead you were helpful to me. Moreso than I was to you, at times.
[Finding out that Karlach had a partner after she'd stupidly accosted her at trial was rough. Finding out weeks later that partner had been Geto?
The sting of guilt is sharp. A close fucking call. It's almost justice that she'd been brought in to kill Daan instead. A small favour to atone for havoc nearly wreaked.]
Unless you're planning on pulling the rug out from under me now, I think that speaks more to your character than a shitty first impression.
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Wow, you're actually wise.
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Don't get fresh with me.
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Sorry. [ ... ] I do want to be different.
I just hope it's still possible.
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[What she wants to say is you're still young. Plenty of time to change.
Amma was young, too. Camille had been young, and never got better. Never gave herself the chance, never got gifted one by concerned friends and family. Frankly speaking, this fucked up two-month stint off-world has garnered her more clemency and understanding than she's ever known in her life, much less all at once. Frank and Eileen were helping, but they were a two-man army going it solo in a twenty year battle. She was a weight around their necks, and she knows it.
But it doesn't have to be that way. It shouldn't have to be.]
Especially if you have help. People who give a damn.
[She takes his hand then. Gives it a squeeze.]
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There are times again where he feels like nothing will ever get better, and there's no escaping the sheer hopelessness that plagues him. He thinks he might as well remain apathetic, because the alternative only causes suffering.
... But he thinks it'll pass. There are still good moments. ]
Thanks, Camille. [ He squeezes her hand in return. ] Despite what I first felt, I admired you too.
You were still trying to change despite going through it alone. I don't think I could've done that.