You opened up to me, about things you didn't even want to.
[ A bit of hesitation. ]
You know that where I come from, negative energy creates cursed spirits, right? And that's what I'm trained to fight.
So when you showed me your scars, my first thought was... "How many curses would you create?"
[ How dangerous would she be, in his world, to his fellow sorcerers? ]
Instead of sympathizing or being angry for you—you were just a kid—that's what I thought. But I played the part of a good guy, and now you trust me, and...
You don't even know how ugly I really am.
[ A bit of hesitation. ]
You know that where I come from, negative energy creates cursed spirits, right? And that's what I'm trained to fight.
So when you showed me your scars, my first thought was... "How many curses would you create?"
[ How dangerous would she be, in his world, to his fellow sorcerers? ]
Instead of sympathizing or being angry for you—you were just a kid—that's what I thought. But I played the part of a good guy, and now you trust me, and...
You don't even know how ugly I really am.
WEEK 7: Monday ((SPOILERS, CW: child murder, teeth extraction))
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
scrapdraught
2024-07-30 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
[Just finishes spoiling this series for you spoon, watch it anyway :knife:]
Alan loosened some cash to enroll Amma at the Bell School—$22,000 a year, not counting books and supplies—just nine blocks away. She made quick friends, a little circle of pretty girls who learned to yearn for all things Missouri. The one I really liked was a girl named Lily Burke. She was as bright as Amma, with a sunnier outlook. She had a spray of freckles, oversized front teeth, and hair the color of chocolate, which Amma pointed out was the exact shade of the rug in my old bedroom. I liked her anyway.
She became a fixture at the apartment, helping me cook dinner, asking me questions about homework, telling stories about boys. Amma got progressively quieter with each of Lily's visits. By October, she'd shut her door pointedly when Lily came by.
One night I woke to find Amma standing over my bed.
"You like Lily better than me," she whispered. She was feverish, her nightgown clinging to her sweaty body, her teeth chattering. I guided her to the bathroom, sat her down on the toilet, wet a washcloth under the cool, metallic water of the sink, wiped her brow. Then we stared at each other. Slate blue eyes just like Adora's. Blank. Like a winter pond.
~*&*~
On October 12, Lily Burke disappeared on her way home from school. Four hours later, her body was found, propped tidily next to a Dumpster three blocks from our apartment. Only six of her teeth had been pulled, the oversized front two and four on the bottom.
I phoned Wind Gap and waited on hold twelve minutes until police confirmed my mother was in her home.
I found it first. I let the police discover it, but I found it first. As Amma trailed me like an angry dog, I tore through the apartment, upending seat cushions, rummaging through drawers. What have you done Amma? By the time I got to her room, she was calm. Smug. I sifted through her panties, dumped out her wish chest, turned over her mattress.
I went through her desk and uncovered only pencils, stickers, and a cup that stank of bleach.
I swept out the contents of the dollhouse room by room, smashing my little four-poster bed, Amma's day bed, the lemon yellow love seat. Once I'd flung out my mother's big brass canopy and destroyed her vanity table, either Amma or I screamed. Maybe both of us did. The floor of my mother's room. The beautiful ivory tiles. Made of human teeth. Fifty-six tiny teeth, cleaned and bleached and shining from the floor.
Alan loosened some cash to enroll Amma at the Bell School—$22,000 a year, not counting books and supplies—just nine blocks away. She made quick friends, a little circle of pretty girls who learned to yearn for all things Missouri. The one I really liked was a girl named Lily Burke. She was as bright as Amma, with a sunnier outlook. She had a spray of freckles, oversized front teeth, and hair the color of chocolate, which Amma pointed out was the exact shade of the rug in my old bedroom. I liked her anyway.
She became a fixture at the apartment, helping me cook dinner, asking me questions about homework, telling stories about boys. Amma got progressively quieter with each of Lily's visits. By October, she'd shut her door pointedly when Lily came by.
One night I woke to find Amma standing over my bed.
"You like Lily better than me," she whispered. She was feverish, her nightgown clinging to her sweaty body, her teeth chattering. I guided her to the bathroom, sat her down on the toilet, wet a washcloth under the cool, metallic water of the sink, wiped her brow. Then we stared at each other. Slate blue eyes just like Adora's. Blank. Like a winter pond.
On October 12, Lily Burke disappeared on her way home from school. Four hours later, her body was found, propped tidily next to a Dumpster three blocks from our apartment. Only six of her teeth had been pulled, the oversized front two and four on the bottom.
I phoned Wind Gap and waited on hold twelve minutes until police confirmed my mother was in her home.
I found it first. I let the police discover it, but I found it first. As Amma trailed me like an angry dog, I tore through the apartment, upending seat cushions, rummaging through drawers. What have you done Amma? By the time I got to her room, she was calm. Smug. I sifted through her panties, dumped out her wish chest, turned over her mattress.
I went through her desk and uncovered only pencils, stickers, and a cup that stank of bleach.
I swept out the contents of the dollhouse room by room, smashing my little four-poster bed, Amma's day bed, the lemon yellow love seat. Once I'd flung out my mother's big brass canopy and destroyed her vanity table, either Amma or I screamed. Maybe both of us did. The floor of my mother's room. The beautiful ivory tiles. Made of human teeth. Fifty-six tiny teeth, cleaned and bleached and shining from the floor.
[She waits it out. Gives it a bit of breathing time after. Sorts her own thoughts. It's a mixed bag. The stakes aren't as real for her, having only second hand knowledge and visions. But the thick emotion he says it with is real. The shame of it.
Camille cants her head. Reaches up, touching his shoulder lightly.]
How is it ugly? If that's the way the world works where you come from, if it's a threat, then...why wouldn't it be your first thought?
[Her mouth quirks.]
Frankly, once I found out about that I was wondering much the same thing. There's a lot of ways to make a curse, it seems. And you didn't know me, Geto. I shouldn't have been showing you the scars in the first place. It's more on me than on you, for dropping a bunch of needless baggage in your lap.
Besides, if you really are so terrible, why would you be so torn up about it now?
Camille cants her head. Reaches up, touching his shoulder lightly.]
How is it ugly? If that's the way the world works where you come from, if it's a threat, then...why wouldn't it be your first thought?
[Her mouth quirks.]
Frankly, once I found out about that I was wondering much the same thing. There's a lot of ways to make a curse, it seems. And you didn't know me, Geto. I shouldn't have been showing you the scars in the first place. It's more on me than on you, for dropping a bunch of needless baggage in your lap.
Besides, if you really are so terrible, why would you be so torn up about it now?
[ Holy shit.
On instinct, Geto blasts panic, fear and alarm as the memory plays out and fades. He feels jittery and angry, his fight or flight response rising up but there's nothing for him to fight.
He stares straight at Camille. ]
What happened?
On instinct, Geto blasts panic, fear and alarm as the memory plays out and fades. He feels jittery and angry, his fight or flight response rising up but there's nothing for him to fight.
He stares straight at Camille. ]
What happened?
[ She offers up excuses for him, and he kind of expected that she would. He doesn't have much faith in people, but he knew in his heart that she wouldn't condemn him, even though she should. ]
I treated you like a problem instead of a person. That isn't fair.
And I never owned up to it. It's been weeks.
[ He just let her believe... ]
I treated you like a problem instead of a person. That isn't fair.
And I never owned up to it. It's been weeks.
[ He just let her believe... ]
[It's not like she's doing much better. But the memory itself has been shot at her a few times by now. The potency doesn't fade, but she can brace for it. Feeling the echoes of his own impression, though. The anger hits her and in turn rings alarm bells, triggering some primal sense to flee or soothe.]
...It's my half-sister. Amma.
[Her jaw is slow to unclench. She keeps her eyes on his, head bowed slightly.]
I took custody of her after Momma was arrested. We thought she was responsible for the deaths of two girls in town. In addition to my other sister. [Cold way to put it.] They were found strangled, with their teeth pulled out. My mother had been helping tutor them and we found the pliers used in the house. But never the teeth.
Turned out we looked at the wrong branch of the family tree.
...It's my half-sister. Amma.
[Her jaw is slow to unclench. She keeps her eyes on his, head bowed slightly.]
I took custody of her after Momma was arrested. We thought she was responsible for the deaths of two girls in town. In addition to my other sister. [Cold way to put it.] They were found strangled, with their teeth pulled out. My mother had been helping tutor them and we found the pliers used in the house. But never the teeth.
Turned out we looked at the wrong branch of the family tree.
[She looks at him, quiet.]
Do you still think I'm a problem?
Do you still think I'm a problem?
[Some uneasiness stirs. Whether for herself or for him, it's hard to say.]
But what?
But what?
[ He feels a little nauseous, and, strangely enough, afraid. Humans are terrifying, is his first, instinctual thought.
But then, what right does he have to judge? Satoru told him that he murders an entire village of people in the future. ]
She's just a kid. Why...?
But then, what right does he have to judge? Satoru told him that he murders an entire village of people in the future. ]
She's just a kid. Why...?
That doesn't erase what I thought before.
[ Where is the justice for his misdeeds... ]
[ Where is the justice for his misdeeds... ]
[ He needs the animal therapy of the farm. Hi Camille. ]
Hey. You doing alright?
Hey. You doing alright?
[She hears you there.
Camille is out here with a cat in her arms, stroking it absently.]
Shouldn't I be asking you?
[Patting the ground next to her.]
Come, sit. I missed you.
Camille is out here with a cat in her arms, stroking it absently.]
Shouldn't I be asking you?
[Patting the ground next to her.]
Come, sit. I missed you.
[ Sits next to her! He will also pet the cats that come sniffing. ]
I think we're all equally traumatized at this point.
[ Grins at her. ]
I think we're all equally traumatized at this point.
[ Grins at her. ]
Thank god, we're finally on even ground.
[Grins back. There's a hesitance though. Never let her go a day without (pupu)ing on someone's party.]
Now we're just waiting on that machine.
[Grins back. There's a hesitance though. Never let her go a day without (pupu)ing on someone's party.]
Now we're just waiting on that machine.
You can't erase things. [So speaks the woman who wiped her body free of all maiming. Camille grimaces. Looks down to her hands.] People can think what they like. And plenty have thought worse. About me, or other people like me. They've said it to my face. Or made it clear, through the things they do.
There's a point though. You can either look at what you've done, what damage you caused, and ask why it is you regret it. What took you to place where you regret it, and why.
From there, you can use it to check what you're doing in the here and now. That's the only place you'll be able to make a difference in.
You didn't treat me cruelly, Geto. No matter what you may have thought to start. Instead you were helpful to me. Moreso than I was to you, at times.
[Finding out that Karlach had a partner after she'd stupidly accosted her at trial was rough. Finding out weeks later that partner had been Geto?
The sting of guilt is sharp. A close fucking call. It's almost justice that she'd been brought in to kill Daan instead. A small favour to atone for havoc nearly wreaked.]
Unless you're planning on pulling the rug out from under me now, I think that speaks more to your character than a shitty first impression.
There's a point though. You can either look at what you've done, what damage you caused, and ask why it is you regret it. What took you to place where you regret it, and why.
From there, you can use it to check what you're doing in the here and now. That's the only place you'll be able to make a difference in.
You didn't treat me cruelly, Geto. No matter what you may have thought to start. Instead you were helpful to me. Moreso than I was to you, at times.
[Finding out that Karlach had a partner after she'd stupidly accosted her at trial was rough. Finding out weeks later that partner had been Geto?
The sting of guilt is sharp. A close fucking call. It's almost justice that she'd been brought in to kill Daan instead. A small favour to atone for havoc nearly wreaked.]
Unless you're planning on pulling the rug out from under me now, I think that speaks more to your character than a shitty first impression.
[ So right of her. ]
The one that'll get us out of here? It's not finished?
The one that'll get us out of here? It's not finished?
[ He laughs. ]
Sorry. [ ... ] I do want to be different.
I just hope it's still possible.
Sorry. [ ... ] I do want to be different.
I just hope it's still possible.
...It can be.
[What she wants to say is you're still young. Plenty of time to change.
Amma was young, too. Camille had been young, and never got better. Never gave herself the chance, never got gifted one by concerned friends and family. Frankly speaking, this fucked up two-month stint off-world has garnered her more clemency and understanding than she's ever known in her life, much less all at once. Frank and Eileen were helping, but they were a two-man army going it solo in a twenty year battle. She was a weight around their necks, and she knows it.
But it doesn't have to be that way. It shouldn't have to be.]
Especially if you have help. People who give a damn.
[She takes his hand then. Gives it a squeeze.]
[What she wants to say is you're still young. Plenty of time to change.
Amma was young, too. Camille had been young, and never got better. Never gave herself the chance, never got gifted one by concerned friends and family. Frankly speaking, this fucked up two-month stint off-world has garnered her more clemency and understanding than she's ever known in her life, much less all at once. Frank and Eileen were helping, but they were a two-man army going it solo in a twenty year battle. She was a weight around their necks, and she knows it.
But it doesn't have to be that way. It shouldn't have to be.]
Especially if you have help. People who give a damn.
[She takes his hand then. Gives it a squeeze.]
Tomorrow sounds like the day.
I'm just...waiting to see if it works. What the catches might be. Decide what I'll do then.
I'm just...waiting to see if it works. What the catches might be. Decide what I'll do then.
[ He wants to believe it. Even if there's a part of him that feels permanently broken. That desire to be good, and to be noble. To give himself up for the sake of what's right.
There are times again where he feels like nothing will ever get better, and there's no escaping the sheer hopelessness that plagues him. He thinks he might as well remain apathetic, because the alternative only causes suffering.
... But he thinks it'll pass. There are still good moments. ]
Thanks, Camille. [ He squeezes her hand in return. ] Despite what I first felt, I admired you too.
You were still trying to change despite going through it alone. I don't think I could've done that.
There are times again where he feels like nothing will ever get better, and there's no escaping the sheer hopelessness that plagues him. He thinks he might as well remain apathetic, because the alternative only causes suffering.
... But he thinks it'll pass. There are still good moments. ]
Thanks, Camille. [ He squeezes her hand in return. ] Despite what I first felt, I admired you too.
You were still trying to change despite going through it alone. I don't think I could've done that.
[ Keep their hopes in check. ]
Not sure where you're going to go?
Not sure where you're going to go?
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