[ He was just trying to take the focus away from Suguru, but no... Of course it would be on his mind. That's him there, his future—no, his possible future. Satoru's lip press into a thin line as he closes his eyes, shifting his new sunglasses up his nose. ]
[ Holy shit, maybe they should talk about Suguru killing a whole village. No... That isn't right. That's unhelpful... Suguru isn't even being a little shit right now. Don't get rattled from seeing this memory and being defensive. ]
Are you going to compensate me for almost pushing me to tears?
[ what happened to suguru not being responsible for anything in this memory ]
[ Instead Suguru of that time gave Satoru identity issues that he will never unpack. In the end, not important, either. The response brings him relief, though he wonders why he was so worried. Suguru... Is doing fine.
For the memory, ]
Yeah. That told me it wasn't because of me or Shoko. [ On the other hand, it also felt like he was throwing them away. ] Maybe if you did, I would have better understood why you left.
[ ... ]
I wished you would have said more about why... Or what you were feeling. What got you there. About anything.
[ It was just a confusing and shocking event swinging left field. It must have been a progression, but he would never know. He wouldn't know the answer. They were left to fill in the pieces to a puzzle.
Thinking so much! About emotions! Has him tired, so he rests his head on the surface of whatever they're sitting at. ]
[ Whoa, Satoru is being open... He guesses there is a chance one of them dies tonight. Sometimes he gets seized with the urgency that follows that knowledge too. It's probably why he didn't give Satoru the silent treatment after Tuesday.
They're probably sitting in one of rooms in the residence. He rests his arms on the table too. ]
I didn't think it would have mattered.
[ He'd assumed that neither Satoru nor Shoko would understand, and that would only make him feel worse. And they hadn't needed to bother with what he was going through anyway. Sorcerers had enough burdens to carry.
He hadn't resented them for feeling differently than he did. Maybe he was a little glad that they did. ]
I didn't think anything mattered, really. So I never said anything.
[ He doesn't like talking about it... Passes Satoru a candy. ]
[ It is funny because it has very little to do with the high chances of dying, but similarly this may be his only chance to hear from Suguru himself... Anything that would help him piece together how that can be a memory, an event cemented as undeniable reality.
Even when speaking with their teacher, he was dumbfounded... It did not seem real, but had to accept it and make conjectures. ]
If we swapped places, would you tell me it mattered?
[ satoru's approach to anything really is violence or being a brat
That is nice to hear even though he is not suffering anything that he is aware of... His chest swells with fondness and warmth. He really does think if things were swapped Suguru would easily fix him. In his deranged and not fully developed teenage brain, he wonders if he should be offended that this isn't completely mutual. ]
When you go back, can you give me those lines so I can use them.
[ Logically, it makes no sense for it to be his fault... It isn't Shoko's or Yaga's fault, either. It is a complicated and complex problem that unveils the holes in their society, something something. Satoru doesn't understand the lengths of what may need to change and what he'd need to do, but at least he has ideas.
He rolls his head side to side. ]
It matters. I'm still on your side because, even if we've been apart, we've always been a team.
[ He may be a freak, but a freak with emotions, unfortunately. Those words may have been parroted, but it's because he trusts Suguru to know the right thing to say. It's better than anything he can come up with, he's sure.
The drumming has him peer over like a lazy cat. ]
It's okay. [ Hurting his feelings, not deciding to nuke non-sorcerers. ] There was some meaning or purpose... You didn't do it for no reason.
[ He has never thought too deeply on a emotional level about it... Objectively, why wouldn't he be worried if his best friend went and said I'm going to kill all of the non-sorcerers to create an ideal world just for sorcerers? What are they—victims? Prey? That kind of talk and mentality is only for the weak...
Or is that only him that thinks that? Suguru asked to list them. ]
It was sudden for me when the news came. When I talked to you, you seemed like a stranger, but I knew it was you. [ How could he mistake him? His voice, aura, and soul... Yet they were distant, but Suguru already knows his worries about them being separated. ] I could have seen if the Gojo clan could pull strings and lighten your sentencing, but you seemed resolved. It'd be difficult to argue for you if you're unremorseful and your body count kept increasing.
That dream—it was going to destroy the other side of you. When that happens, you'd be alone.
[ These are all just worries focused on the memory. He isn't sure if this was supposed to be a general list. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I look like a maniac.
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I'm the one who killed a village. [ It still feels uncomfortable to admit, a queasy fear settling in. ] If anyone's a maniac, it's me.
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You haven't killed anyone.
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[ But he might.
They've talked about that a lot though. ]
You looked like you were about to cry.
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Are you going to compensate me for almost pushing me to tears?
[ what happened to suguru not being responsible for anything in this memory ]
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I didn't even know it was possible for you to cry. And you didn't anyway.
[ He doesn't have to compensate for an almost. ]
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If I was a girl, that would have definitely been a crying moment.
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[ stupid ]
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... It wasn't too bad, right?
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It's weird. [ It's him, but! Not him yet. ] I don't know how I feel about it.
But I'm glad I didn't use our friendship against you.
[ To manipulate or hurt him purposely. ]
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For the memory, ]
Yeah. That told me it wasn't because of me or Shoko. [ On the other hand, it also felt like he was throwing them away. ] Maybe if you did, I would have better understood why you left.
[ ... ]
I wished you would have said more about why... Or what you were feeling. What got you there. About anything.
[ It was just a confusing and shocking event swinging left field. It must have been a progression, but he would never know. He wouldn't know the answer. They were left to fill in the pieces to a puzzle.
Thinking so much! About emotions! Has him tired, so he rests his head on the surface of whatever they're sitting at. ]
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They're probably sitting in one of rooms in the residence. He rests his arms on the table too. ]
I didn't think it would have mattered.
[ He'd assumed that neither Satoru nor Shoko would understand, and that would only make him feel worse. And they hadn't needed to bother with what he was going through anyway. Sorcerers had enough burdens to carry.
He hadn't resented them for feeling differently than he did. Maybe he was a little glad that they did. ]
I didn't think anything mattered, really. So I never said anything.
[ He doesn't like talking about it... Passes Satoru a candy. ]
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Even when speaking with their teacher, he was dumbfounded... It did not seem real, but had to accept it and make conjectures. ]
If we swapped places, would you tell me it mattered?
[ He will take the candy and eat it, though. ]
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[ Satoru is worrying after him constantly. ]
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[ INSTANTLY SULKS!! ]
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But no, he can't blame him. ]
I would tell you that it mattered, and that I'll be on your side.
Because even if we've been apart, we're still a team.
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That is nice to hear even though he is not suffering anything that he is aware of... His chest swells with fondness and warmth. He really does think if things were swapped Suguru would easily fix him. In his deranged and not fully developed teenage brain, he wonders if he should be offended that this isn't completely mutual. ]
When you go back, can you give me those lines so I can use them.
[ Jokes about cheating on EQ homework. ]
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Sure.
[ Also rests his head on the table now. This has been such an emotional week... It's exhausting. ]
But it's not your fault either way, you know.
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[ Logically, it makes no sense for it to be his fault... It isn't Shoko's or Yaga's fault, either. It is a complicated and complex problem that unveils the holes in their society, something something. Satoru doesn't understand the lengths of what may need to change and what he'd need to do, but at least he has ideas.
He rolls his head side to side. ]
It matters. I'm still on your side because, even if we've been apart, we've always been a team.
[ Cheats on homework immediately, too. ]
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But still, even if he's just hearing his own words parroted back to him, it does bloom warmth in his chest. It's nice to know that he isn't alone.
He smiles reaching out to idly drum his fingers along Satoru's arm. ]
Thanks. And sorry for hurting you. I guess I forgot that it was possible.
[ He doesn't want to think of Satoru as some untouchable thing. ]
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[ He may be a freak, but a freak with emotions, unfortunately. Those words may have been parroted, but it's because he trusts Suguru to know the right thing to say. It's better than anything he can come up with, he's sure.
The drumming has him peer over like a lazy cat. ]
It's okay. [ Hurting his feelings, not deciding to nuke non-sorcerers. ] There was some meaning or purpose... You didn't do it for no reason.
[ They were stupid reasons, though. ]
Good thing that memory's out, finally.
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He draws his hand back, blinking tiredly. ]
Were you anxious about it?
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[ there are so many parts. they can gently kicky shoes. ]
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[ pulls this info out of him while they play footsie ]
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Or is that only him that thinks that? Suguru asked to list them. ]
It was sudden for me when the news came. When I talked to you, you seemed like a stranger, but I knew it was you. [ How could he mistake him? His voice, aura, and soul... Yet they were distant, but Suguru already knows his worries about them being separated. ] I could have seen if the Gojo clan could pull strings and lighten your sentencing, but you seemed resolved. It'd be difficult to argue for you if you're unremorseful and your body count kept increasing.
That dream—it was going to destroy the other side of you. When that happens, you'd be alone.
[ These are all just worries focused on the memory. He isn't sure if this was supposed to be a general list. ]
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