[ To hate being vulnerable... It's difficult, even if it's the reality they have to accept. Back at home, they have solid methods of counter-attacking and defending themselves here. He has thought about it, maybe thought too much about it when no one is around.
It's a dark cloud that is always over them while they're here. ]
Then you'd need to do a stupid trial for me the next day, huh.
[ He gives Suguru a little squeeze in this hug. As long as one of them makes it out, that is what matters. ]
This starts as confusing because isn't it obvious? But what he learned from back home, right before he came here, is that not everything is obvious... His expression softens as he leans in to press their foreheads together. ]
Idiot, of course I don't want to find a poster for you on our cursed bulletin board. I don't want anything to happen to you.
[ Why else the restless and sleepless nights if not for them? If anything were to happen, it should happen to him instead. ]
[ He closes his eyes, relaxed and content with their closeness. ]
I just meant... if you're worried about it too, then you can tell me.
[ It's not that he want's Satoru to struggle or be afraid, but he just wants him to rely on him when he is. He doesn't need Satoru to only be there to fix his problems.
And maybe he does want to know, a little, that he's not the only one who's scared. ]
[ He isn't the greatest at following a conversation on the emotional level, so it takes him a moment... Worried? About having a poster on the bulletin board? Worried... About being a poster on the bulletin board. Worried every time he wakes up, Suguru isn't there. Worried every time he lets himself fall asleep, even with Suguru there, something will attack them and take their skin. Worried every time he lets himself fall asleep, someone is tempted to kill for a little treasure from the swamp's trove.
Worried every time they're forced unconscious, he wakes up to the nebulous fog where monsters lurk. Worried every time he lets himself fall asleep, he won't wake up. ]
I...
[ As he thinks deeply, it takes him back to the time where he felt a knife through his abdomen, to his throat, then to his head, and the consuming darkness that encroached. Maybe it had always been there, the fear, constant and gnawing at him. It's even worse here. There is nothing to protect him here.
Without even knowing or considering this to be a vulnerable moment, his body has been gradually tensing up, noticeably so. Every muscle fiber is strained and stiff, even though an embrace should be soft and comforting. ]
He has no idea what exactly Satoru is thinking, but he knows that he's considering his words and that he isn't ignoring him. He can see the wheels turning in his head while his mind turns the words over and unravels them like a puzzle.
It's weird to see him speechless, and when he tenses, Suguru hopes that he didn't make things worse. ]
Satoru?
[ He sits back so that he can better look at Satoru, looking from him face down to his posture. ]
[ He has a conflicted expression plastered on his face... It is fear, but masked over to be neutral. Perhaps it comes off as looking anxious. It probably is just anxiety. ]
Yeah. [ Even though Suguru pulled back to assess him, he pulls him closer because he wants to be held right now. ] I'm worried.
[ Actually, his desire to not feel alone wasn't worth causing Satoru anxiety. Or maybe the anxiety was always there, just subconscious?
Whatever it is, he'll wrap his arms around him and hold him close, knowing that it's not going to fix anything. But there isn't fixing anything right now. They're not completely powerless, but there's a lot that they can't control, and it's terrifying.
He doesn't know if he believes in the wishes available to them, but he's already decided he's going to use his to secure Satoru's safety. ]
Yeah. [ He guides Satoru to rest his head on his shoulder, resting his own head against his. ] Me too.
[ The anxiety was definitely always there, just subconscious. He rests on him, holding him close, like this is a small haven even though he knows it isn't. It's still nice and it's safe enough for him for now.
also how dare you DO NOT he would not be happy with that
He does realize that this amount of coddling seems disproportionate, so his reaction must have been odd. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Maybe they'll stick to two or... even less.
[ Playing with his hair...
... And then he stops suddenly and pulls Satoru back up for a hug. ]
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It takes him a moment, but he hugs back. ]
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Do you need to get in the swamp again?
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And possibly roll some side effect that has me lose my mind every once in a while? I think I'm good to heal normally from here.
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Don't get into anymore fights with Kanda then.
[ Bites his collarbone. ]
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I won't, I won't! Promise.
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Good.
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It's the last day of the rule...
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You're getting my hair in your mouth.
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[ Noses his hair now. ]
It's going to be okay.
[ Even though this is a murdergame. ]
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I just worried I'll wake up on a Friday and your poster will be on the bulletin board.
[ It's easier to say worried than afraid.
It's also easier to frame it like this than to say I don't want to lose you as if Satoru is his to keep. ]
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It's a dark cloud that is always over them while they're here. ]
Then you'd need to do a stupid trial for me the next day, huh.
[ He gives Suguru a little squeeze in this hug. As long as one of them makes it out, that is what matters. ]
What happens happens. Right now, I'm here.
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He sits up a little, straightening so that he can watch Satoru's expression. ]
Satoru... I don't need you to comfort me. [ Though he's appreciative, voice not scolding. ] I just want to know that you feel the same.
[ ... ]
Or don't. Whichever it is.
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This starts as confusing because isn't it obvious? But what he learned from back home, right before he came here, is that not everything is obvious... His expression softens as he leans in to press their foreheads together. ]
Idiot, of course I don't want to find a poster for you on our cursed bulletin board. I don't want anything to happen to you.
[ Why else the restless and sleepless nights if not for them? If anything were to happen, it should happen to him instead. ]
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[ He closes his eyes, relaxed and content with their closeness. ]
I just meant... if you're worried about it too, then you can tell me.
[ It's not that he want's Satoru to struggle or be afraid, but he just wants him to rely on him when he is. He doesn't need Satoru to only be there to fix his problems.
And maybe he does want to know, a little, that he's not the only one who's scared. ]
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Worried every time they're forced unconscious, he wakes up to the nebulous fog where monsters lurk. Worried every time he lets himself fall asleep, he won't wake up. ]
I...
[ As he thinks deeply, it takes him back to the time where he felt a knife through his abdomen, to his throat, then to his head, and the consuming darkness that encroached. Maybe it had always been there, the fear, constant and gnawing at him. It's even worse here. There is nothing to protect him here.
Without even knowing or considering this to be a vulnerable moment, his body has been gradually tensing up, noticeably so. Every muscle fiber is strained and stiff, even though an embrace should be soft and comforting. ]
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He has no idea what exactly Satoru is thinking, but he knows that he's considering his words and that he isn't ignoring him. He can see the wheels turning in his head while his mind turns the words over and unravels them like a puzzle.
It's weird to see him speechless, and when he tenses, Suguru hopes that he didn't make things worse. ]
Satoru?
[ He sits back so that he can better look at Satoru, looking from him face down to his posture. ]
Hey, you okay?
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Yeah. [ Even though Suguru pulled back to assess him, he pulls him closer because he wants to be held right now. ] I'm worried.
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Whatever it is, he'll wrap his arms around him and hold him close, knowing that it's not going to fix anything. But there isn't fixing anything right now. They're not completely powerless, but there's a lot that they can't control, and it's terrifying.
He doesn't know if he believes in the wishes available to them, but he's already decided he's going to use his to secure Satoru's safety. ]
Yeah. [ He guides Satoru to rest his head on his shoulder, resting his own head against his. ] Me too.
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also how dare you DO NOT he would not be happy with that
He does realize that this amount of coddling seems disproportionate, so his reaction must have been odd. ]
Sorry. I don't know what happened to me there.
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Anyway, he's comfortable like this, just rubbing his hand lazily over Satoru's spine. ]
It's okay to be worried, Satoru. [ The way they're still too macho to admit it's fear. ] You can be any way with me.
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