[ Help... This is fine. His hand slides down his neck to his back, as he's jumped with a kiss better than yesterday's. Maybe he'll make a soft noise, but it's also because he wants to talk. ]
If you're wondering if I like you, Suguru, then you are definitely stupid.
[ Because of course he does. Doesn't everything he do convey that? ]
I don't see why you're popular with girls if you're like this.
[ Says him... Who is also one of the girls. ]
Kiss you out of guilt? That's insane behavior.
[ Who does that? People who want to give out pity? He has been gentler despite them getting into several physical fights, but that is different from this. ]
[ Maybe he's the insane one, but he knows that Satoru cares about him, and was hurt by his defection. It's not unreasonable to think some of that might get mixed up in this. ]
[ Suguru is not insane because people act on pity all the time and what he describes does happen. To Satoru, it just sounds like nonsense. Despite that, he gives it a moment for him to think over. He will at least give that to Suguru. ]
... It isn't out of guilt and it has nothing to do with what happened.
[ Maybe Suguru leaving encouraged him to be honest. ]
[ He had some inkling before, but considered maybe it was just a kinship between them fostered by their potential and the bond forged in danger. Suguru is a special presence, someone who fills in every missing piece he didn't realize he had... this would be a red flag in real life but they're teenage boys and different from real life men.
It would have been fine if they were best friends, it would have been fine if they were more, and perhaps it could have been fine if Suguru left some day... As long as he exists, filling in those empty spaces. As long as he is still himself.
The squeeze is returned before he leans in to peck his nose for reassurance. Their feelings match... It took some fumbling, but they match. ]
[ The little peck blossoms an easy affection in his chest, bringing a smile to his face. There really isn't anyone who can make him smile as easily as Satoru. He really likes him... maybe too much.
For now, he takes one of Satoru's hands in his own, lacing their fingers together before meeting his gaze and raising a brow. ]
Should I call you my boyfriend?
[ He likes the label, even if it doesn't really encompass everything they are. Because he might be an over thinker, but he hadn't really considered that he and Satoru could be romantic. Their friendship was fulfilling, perfect (if frustrating at times), and everything that he could want.
At least until yesterday, and suddenly he did want. His feelings didn't change; it was more like realizing that he wanted to express them in a new way. ]
[ He has heard those words before, but mostly from random girls on the street asking him on dates or wanting to have a pretend boyfriend, then possibly making him their real boyfriend. There have been jokes across the three of them with Shoko in the middle too, but she, of course, wanted nothing to do with either of them.
Every instance has been shallow.
"Boyfriend" did not illicit any unique emotion in him. It still may not... His brain is piecing all the values into a formula—it's the context, it's the person, and their disposition. He takes note on how his heart rate rose, how the edges of his lips tug into a smile different from his usual, and how Suguru looks better than he remembers.
Satoru can tell because he is always looking at him, memorizing every outline. ]
Usually, I'd say gross, but for some reason that sounds very nice right now. [ He laughs. ] What did you do? Curse me?
[ His fingers stay laced, but brush up over Suguru's knuckles to massage them and the back of his hand. It's gentle, but then switches to playful drumming. ]
[ He's teasing, amused, maybe happier than he's been in months. While Satoru is one of the most important people in his life, he'd never really thought of him as someone that he needed.
Because he'd never thought of happiness as something that he needed; it had never factored into the equation of his purpose as a sorcerer. As long as he did his duty, that is all that mattered. Happiness, love, and joy had no bearing on that.
It's a privileged, and stupid, way of thinking, and once it was gone, it became clear just how much he did need it all. ]
But okay, I guess that makes us boyfriends. [ Holding his hand real tight. ] And as my boyfriend, you should delete those pictures of me and Lavi.
[ His face twists instinctively hearing the accusation from Suguru's voice. Have a crush on him? Okay, maybe, so he doesn't retort... He just sticks out his tongue.
It's been a long time since they've truly enjoyed themselves, hasn't it? He thinks on this... And the beach in Okinawa. Like then, it was fun. Like then, he was also stressed. It didn't stop him from having fun, though.
But Suguru's smiling (good) and makes an absurd request (not as good). There's just silence, somewhat defiant, before Satoru breaks it. ]
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Ow! Okay. We got that out of the way.
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You could've given me some warning.
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[ Double checks. ]
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Yeah.
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It's a moment and Satoru doesn't linger. He parts with a breath, ]
Don't forget about this.
[ If he is meant to forget the first time, then he'll just make a new first time. ]
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If you're wondering if I like you, Suguru, then you are definitely stupid.
[ Because of course he does. Doesn't everything he do convey that? ]
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You didn't say anything yesterday, so I figured you weren't interested.
[ Frowning. ]
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[ Reacts like Suguru has some audacity. ]
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I figured my actions spoke for themselves?
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I thought you were screwing around.
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Deep breath. ]
We really are stupid.
[ But it's funny, so he's smiling. ]
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However, ]
Why are you jumbling me in with you?
[ He leers from his lying down position and starts poking Suguru's back annoyingly and incessantly. ]
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You could've said something!
[ Annoyed, his expression is all pinched before it softens into something more wary. ]
... You're not just coddling me because you feel guilty about what happened, are you?
[ His defection. Normally he wouldn't ever think Satoru to coddle anyone, but he had been remarkably gentle with him these past few weeks. ]
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I don't see why you're popular with girls if you're like this.
[ Says him... Who is also one of the girls. ]
Kiss you out of guilt? That's insane behavior.
[ Who does that? People who want to give out pity? He has been gentler despite them getting into several physical fights, but that is different from this. ]
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[ Well, it is kind of insane. But also. ]
I'm not saying you'd do it intentionally.
[ Maybe he's the insane one, but he knows that Satoru cares about him, and was hurt by his defection. It's not unreasonable to think some of that might get mixed up in this. ]
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... It isn't out of guilt and it has nothing to do with what happened.
[ Maybe Suguru leaving encouraged him to be honest. ]
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Looks down at Satoru's hands, squeezing. ]
I like you too.
[ As if it wasn't already obvious. ]
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It would have been fine if they were best friends, it would have been fine if they were more, and perhaps it could have been fine if Suguru left some day... As long as he exists, filling in those empty spaces. As long as he is still himself.
The squeeze is returned before he leans in to peck his nose for reassurance. Their feelings match... It took some fumbling, but they match. ]
Soooo what does that make us?
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For now, he takes one of Satoru's hands in his own, lacing their fingers together before meeting his gaze and raising a brow. ]
Should I call you my boyfriend?
[ He likes the label, even if it doesn't really encompass everything they are. Because he might be an over thinker, but he hadn't really considered that he and Satoru could be romantic. Their friendship was fulfilling, perfect (if frustrating at times), and everything that he could want.
At least until yesterday, and suddenly he did want. His feelings didn't change; it was more like realizing that he wanted to express them in a new way. ]
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[ He has heard those words before, but mostly from random girls on the street asking him on dates or wanting to have a pretend boyfriend, then possibly making him their real boyfriend. There have been jokes across the three of them with Shoko in the middle too, but she, of course, wanted nothing to do with either of them.
Every instance has been shallow.
"Boyfriend" did not illicit any unique emotion in him. It still may not... His brain is piecing all the values into a formula—it's the context, it's the person, and their disposition. He takes note on how his heart rate rose, how the edges of his lips tug into a smile different from his usual, and how Suguru looks better than he remembers.
Satoru can tell because he is always looking at him, memorizing every outline. ]
Usually, I'd say gross, but for some reason that sounds very nice right now. [ He laughs. ] What did you do? Curse me?
[ His fingers stay laced, but brush up over Suguru's knuckles to massage them and the back of his hand. It's gentle, but then switches to playful drumming. ]
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[ He's teasing, amused, maybe happier than he's been in months. While Satoru is one of the most important people in his life, he'd never really thought of him as someone that he needed.
Because he'd never thought of happiness as something that he needed; it had never factored into the equation of his purpose as a sorcerer. As long as he did his duty, that is all that mattered. Happiness, love, and joy had no bearing on that.
It's a privileged, and stupid, way of thinking, and once it was gone, it became clear just how much he did need it all. ]
But okay, I guess that makes us boyfriends. [ Holding his hand real tight. ] And as my boyfriend, you should delete those pictures of me and Lavi.
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It's been a long time since they've truly enjoyed themselves, hasn't it? He thinks on this... And the beach in Okinawa. Like then, it was fun. Like then, he was also stressed. It didn't stop him from having fun, though.
But Suguru's smiling (good) and makes an absurd request (not as good). There's just silence, somewhat defiant, before Satoru breaks it. ]
... But you two were so cute...
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Should you think me hanging off of someone else is cute?
[ It doesn't bother him that Satoru isn't jealous, since obviously none of it was genuine, but it is fun to hassle him a little. ]
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